Keepin' It Real On Valentine's Day
Valentine's day...well what is there to say
For couples, we can say it's a very special day
For the ladies, it's about chocolates and roses and not having to pay
But for the fellas, it's all about cashing in to get a good lay.
On V-Day Women expect to be wined and dined
They demand their men to be sensitive and kind
Men do all they can to live up to the hype
When all we really wanna do is chill and maybe smoke a pipe
On the day of Valentine, women want commitment and romance too
Men would prefer a threesome, with their girl and lab partner named Sue.
Women love Valentine's Day like men love the Super Bowl
But stay strong men, these Valentine's Days do take their toll
Each and every Valentine's Day women look to gain more control
You may not even realize it until you've lost a bit of your soul
For every V-Day they'll expect more and more
So beware fellas cause you may end up poor.
So to all the men looking for lust and the all women looking for love
Gentlemen, V-Day maybe the day to give your lady the shove.
People, I know how that must sound but let's be frank
What did Rose do with Jack when the Titanic actually sank
The point is people, Valentine's Day can be very tricky
So I guess all I'm saying is, you better be real picky
To both men and women, I will leave you with some sage advice:
Ladies, tone down the demands, stop treating your men as blind mice
And to all the Gentlemen, do your very best, play your cards right and above all be extra nice
For who knows, one day you may find yourselves surrounded by friends and family all throwing rice!
Infatuation in the Keg Line
My cheeks blush rose,
not solely due
to one failed game of beer pong
but also,
your face.
And my hair tosses
(an instinct)
falling stubbornly back
over my eyes
which dance a nervous tarantula
and stop on you.
This is
infatuation in the keg line.
(Untitled)
You told me we're conjunct
and our recondite love prodigious.
Not comme il faut nor de rigeur
but veritably seditious.
I knew that 'perspicacity'
(the thing that you adored was),
But what's a word for love between a man and a thesaurus?
Clandestine Encounter
Rays of soft sunshine trickle through the door
You saunter in with sweet disposition
Dust floats up as you swiftly meet the floor
Each step closer proves my intuition
No syllable spoken, yet I still hear
The velvet voice that saturates senses
Fervor aroused when only you are near
Oh, how you dismantle my defenses!
Exist solely to satisfy pleasure
I surrender my trembling fingers
To the serene face that I so treasure
Your savory scent descends and lingers
Our clandestine encounter yields bliss
How can I deny seclusion like this?
Admonition to Ladies in the College Party Scene
Oh Darling whom I have only met once,
Oh thou bright starlet of this drunkard's night,
Oh won't you swoop down and be base tonight?
Please drink your drink so as to bless this dunce
For then the moment will feel nice and right
No matter that your wedding will be white.
""Babe, be burdened with bad reputation
And please hurry into this relation
If given choice all good instinct eschew
For that is what all girls in college do.
Excessive drink: this Bacchic rite partake
and gossip later about past mistakes.
""When the night's transformed into a whirlwind
Remember, a stranger's advances always rescind.""
Acrostic
St. Valentine's Day is here for you
Tis here for your admirer, too
Always sending signals of lust
Looking to earn your faith and trust
Knowing all your thoughts and dreams
Each day they're there, or so it seems
Really, it's time to get that restraining order
(Untitled)
I pine for you every second we're apart
It feels like my heart will break
I wanted to give you a piece of my heart
Not some gift that's lame or fake
I traveled to the Whole Foods store
But bought not flowers nor cake
I got you what you deserved you cheating whore
A piece of bloody red steak
The anguish, the sadness, the crying, the pouting
The lying, the madness, the pain
At least now I can say that I won't be doubting
You'll ever eat red meat again
Alisa at the Precipice
When you dream, you dream of tornados
Because tornado dreams indicate stress
Whirling with shards they collect on the go
Knocking over straw hopes when they blow
But I envision you on a cliff
Thinking about old love, and our tryst
Dizzy with worry, one foot in the abyss
Your heart equally divided and your muscles stiff
And I, an interloping siren, call from below:
""Jump! Fly! To a mysterious future, cloaked, unknown,
Wherein I promise nothing except a tender heart, my own.
So leave old embers die for my strident burning glow.""
To assist I would recall the verse of Dylan Thomas
With a completely different meaning, but meant nonetheless
""Do not go gentle into that good night""
Take that leap head first and solve our plight.
Things can't stress you out if you let them go,
And know darling, that as you fall, you fall into my arms,
Open and eager to hold you and all your charms
Then, hand in hand, we'll write a new lover's yarn.
And Alisa, should your hand tremble, your eyes cry, or your head feel faint.
I will always be there to revive you with a kiss.
Questions
I like you
But I am impatient.
I try to be apparent.
Giggles, sideways glances,
Texts under guise
Of school,
Initiate plans outside of study groups,
Conversation about friends, music, anything.
I don't want to be transparent
I don't want to be
Let down, embarrassed,
Rejected
There is a comfort in opacity.
Three Ways to Heaven
I look into her eyes and give you a high five
Our plan is set and the dream is alive
You'll get the tip, I'll get the assist
Then we'll reverse roles, she won't resist
I'll drive the hole, you defend the arc
Then I'll retreat and you can have her heart
For love is a game, a game for two
So you can sub in when I am through
HAIKUS
Yet another sign
He's just not that into you
The gift of condoms
A Pathetic Fidelity
'Though with another
When I reach across the bed
Know I reach for you
To wish to be close
Like a vine around a tree,
Both beauties enhanced
I think on V-Day
Being single is okay
The chocolate is all yours
Six months of dating
You got me a facebook gift
We are so over
Be the arrow in my heart, and not just the one who shot it,
Because then I could leave you there and my heart might grow around it.
Love's wound is frightful deep,
Your arrow pricks me, leaves me weak,
But should I have to pull it out,
I'd wail, and weep, and gnash my teeth,
Until I had teeth no more
And from love's banquet I might never again eat.
Please come to me, and take my hand.
And from the arrow's feather we'll craft a wreath.
And I'll place it on your head as a pretty crown
And it will make your beauty so much more the sweet.
My love's a treasure I pray you'd reap,
Stashed for you aboard an innumerable fleet,
Waiting, all hands, for you to take your seat
Beside me so that we might sail and our fortune meet.
My love's the best medicine, vitamin, and, above all, treat
Because I vow to make you better every day of every week
Your good is my only concern, and is all I'll seek,
For you, my dear, I'd accomplish any feat
And until you assent, your shored up heart relent,
These words written above, and more, will I repeat.
True Love
High above the river
Atop a willow tree
You ask me for one fruit snack
But I hand over three
(Untitled)
So the first gift I ever received from a girl on Valentine's Day was an incense burner from my (then) girlfriend. And I remember removing it from its slim rectangle of gift wrap and thinking 'What kind of legal adult would go to Hot Topic to buy a Valentine's Day gift for another legal adult?' and 'Have I ever indicated that I would enjoy sitting in a beanbag chair surrounded by velvet art and inhaling the rich aroma of something called 'Egyptian Lavender?' and 'Why, why - unless your boyfriend is a Wiccan or collects tiny mushrooms in glass globes strung on hemp necklaces - o why would you buy them a gift that says, ""Happy Valentine's Day! I think you are a Wiccan who likes collecting tiny mushrooms in glass globes strung on hemp necklaces!""?' and 'This is the beginning of the end, isn't it?' So ... thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'm going to sit back down now. Thanks.
