I feel like I don't know any other way,"" UW-Madison junior Mitch Levenhagen said.
""It's just what you do,"" added his girlfriend and fellow UW-Madison junior Nicole Steffens.
Levenhagen and Steffens met during their freshman year of college and have been dating since, celebrating their two-and-a-half-year anniversary this spring. They both came to college to explore different career opportunities and found each other shortly after. After discussing marriage, they view it as a possibility in the future.
Many young couples at the university enter relationships like Levenhagen and Steffens. They often decide that marriage is the next step after a period of commitment and stability with one another. Yet others hold alternate views of marriage.
Although college is a time when one's views on careers seem endless, each student often has very specific views on marriage.
""Society tells you to get married,"" Steffens said. ""There's no reason for me to think otherwise, because I have never been told anything different.""
Say ‘I do'
Institutions within American society help reinforce a seemingly one-track life plan.
""I date people who I think have the potential for marriage because the Mormon religion views marriage as a sacred ordinance,"" UW-Madison sophomore Cherish Westin said.
Westin's strong beliefs stem from a lifetime of scriptures and experiences.
""I've been thinking about marriage all my life,"" Westin said. ""You witness it everywhere around you.""
Yet, Westin is much less confident about other decisions in the future. Although she plans to attend medical school after graduating, she feels powerless in the outcome.
""Yes, I can work harder at school and build up my résumé, but ultimately it's out of my control,"" Westin said. ""Marriage is in my hands, not left in someone else's.""
The comfort Westin finds in the idea of marriage contributes to its appeal for some students. Some are drawn to marriage because it provides a sense of security and autonomy in the face of an undefined and unknown future.
""There are less variables involved in marriage,"" UW-Madison sophomore John Cook said.
""Whether or not I get a good job depends on what major I choose, how well I do, internships, experience,"" Cook said. ""Whether I get married or not only depends on if I find someone. That comes with significantly less effort. At least it's supposed to.""
Cook believes in marriage despite his parents' painful divorce. Their strained marriage desensitized him to the stigma associated with divorce.
His dad started showing signs of depression when Cook was in middle school and was diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder a year later. The dynamics of his parents' relationship changed considerably.
Cook said this personality disorder did not just affect his dad, but colored all his parents' interactions.
""It gets tricky because of the ‘in sickness and in health' clause,"" Cook noted. ""[Mental illness] is a disease and should be treated as such but with something that can potentially be emotionally abusive it blurs the line between ‘sickness' and just harmful actions.""
Say ‘I don't'
Despite their marriage vows, some couples feel less pressure to remain together, in part because of more liberal views of individual well-being. Today's historically high divorce rate of over 50 percent certainly reflects society's acceptance of divorce.
""It baffles me that marriage is supposed to be sacred,"" UW-Madison fifth-year senior Zach Riley-Glassman said. ""Plenty of couples don't last. And then there are same-sex couples who are denied rights and benefits, but have been committed to each other for years.""
As an LGBTQ advocate and member of Allies, a student organization that promotes support and awareness for the LGBTQ community on campus, Riley-Glassman feels compelled to speak out against American society's reluctance to include same-sex couples in its marriage laws.
""Right now, our society is centered on a [heterosexual] view of marriage. Religion is a private institution. There is no reason to make sweeping legislation based on religious views,"" Riley-Glassman said.
Currently, laws in most states, including Wisconsin, define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. However, Riley-Glassman's generation of students brings a new definition.
""In the short run, we just have to play into the system. Gay marriage will happen in our lifetimes. Just look at the voter demographics,"" Riley-Glassman said, referring to the increasing percentage of adults under age 25 who support gay marriage.
This fluid interpretation of marriage has led some students to question the purpose and function of marriage today.
""In the long run, it would be more constructive to do away with the institution altogether,"" Riley-Glassman said.
UW-Madison freshman Manushika Yapa agrees that marriage is an outdated tradition.
""Most people are not meant to be in one relationship for a lifetime,"" Yapa said. ""Marriage restrains people from going out and finding other relationships that may fulfill them.""
Yapa's parents, originally from Sri Lanka, had an arranged marriage.
""I never grew up with parents who were really in love,"" she explained.
Although a large influence on her life, Yapa's parents' relationship is not the defining factor in her views on marriage. Her skepticism stems from simply observing the rest of society's interactions.
""The whole point of marriage is that there was no point,"" Yapa said. ""People are not going to stay the same people throughout 50 years.""
She views this change as neither good nor bad, but human.
""Change should be OK,"" Yapa said. ""A relationship should be able to run its course. There is no need for marriage if most relationships are going to end at some point.""
Challenging the views in favor of marriage, Yapa exposes what she thinks are the underlying motivations behind people's reason for getting married: Society makes companionship and commitment an unnecessary and perhaps daunting priority in people's lives.
""If society as a whole did not make marriage a necessity, those said needs and motivations would diminish,"" she explained. ""Ultimately, people would be happier.""
Reasons for ‘I do'
Yet it is difficult to distinguish society's embedded attitudes of marriage from students' seemingly individual and independent decisions.
""I'm certain I want to be happy and [marriage] would be an important component of happiness,"" Cook said.
Levenhagen, who shares Cook's view on marriage, has more specific reasons for the inevitability of marrying.
""I am most certain that I want to have a family and, to me, that encompasses marriage,"" Levenhagen said. ""Marriage symbolizes love and stability which I feel is a good way to bring up a family.""
Their certainties rest on personal desires and beliefs, yet these reasons are a product of societal constructions of family and happiness.
Still, others who express concrete views on marriage cannot identify the factors contributing to their definitions.
""I honestly don't know why I want to get married,"" Steffens said. ""I just love him.""
