FacebookHell helps you connect and share with the people in your afterlife.
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It's free and anyone can join, so long as you are damned for all eternity
Full name (your real name): David Ass Hottinger
Your HeLLmail: hereisyourverylonge-mailaddressthatyoumusttypeoutdavid666djskfghsfgjh@gehenna.sin
I was a (select heresy): Pagan Hedonist
Death Day: 12/25/2012
why do I need to provide this?
Account Settings
Network: 9th Circle of Hell, Lake of Frozen Blood and Guilt
Select Applications: We're Related! – Connect with former family members who also failed to keep the faith. Scrabbulost – The most frustrating game of Scrabble ever! No vowels! iSpamU – Spam your friends! This app sporadically makes posts on all your friends' walls about bogus websites. CreeperPoke – Randomly pokes people you don't talk to anymore, even total strangers! What's on Your (Racist) Mind? – Automatically generates racist, epithet-laced tirades in your status updates for all to see. Talk about embarrassing!
Upload friend lists from Facebook to your new account (luckily, 99.7% of your former friends are members of FacebookHell)? Hell yes.
(Please note: Since Facebook already retains all damning evidence such as photos of you doing Asian eyes, embarrassing drunken posts from freshman year on that girl-who-you-never-even-met's wall and a complete list of every one of your totally tool-ish status updates for all eternity, part of your punishment will require you to review all the mortifying Facebook escapades of your former life. SUCH IS THE WILL OF BEELZEBUB, LORD OF THE FLIES)
Privacy Settings
Note: FacebookHell automatically allows everyone who hates you to view and update your full profile, including those who come to hate you because of said updates.
Please notify me whenever someone: Yes No
Pokes me o
Prods me o
Brands me with the mark of the beast o
Prays for me, though it shall be of no avail o
Publish to the News Feed whenever I: Yes Yes
Add a friend o
Make a wall post o Change relationship status o
(get dumped)
Facebook-stalk a hottie o Facebook-stalk an ex o
Pick my nose while I Facebook-stalk o
Mass e-mail everyone whenever I: Yes Yes
Sign on first thing in the morning o
Almost sign on, but don't because
I don't want that e-mail being sent o Commit a sin of impurity while
perusing a spring break photo album o
Commit a sin of impurity while
looking at a dude's profile picture o
Poop my pants o
Personal Information
Activities: wAiLiNg, GnAsHiNg My TeEtH, kIcKiN' iT bY tHe EtErNaL lAkE oF fIrE AnD tWeEtInG' mY pEePs!!!
Favorite Music: ANYTHING BUT THIS ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS CRAP THEY NEVER STOP PLAYING
Groups: So This is Hell...Hmmm; Where's my lawyer? THERE'S my lawyer!; Largest Facebook Group Ever: 100 Billion Souls!; Where in the Hell is Megan Fox?; I STILL NAPS!!; 2012 Batch of Souls, Baby!; Lost my phone, need your digitz peeplzzz!!!
Current Status: just got my nails done pulled off, headed up to the vat of scalding oil for my massage!
Wanna poke David? E-mail him at dhottinger@wisc.edu.
