I am a simple man with simple tastes, and one of those tastes happens to be buffet-style pizza for an affordable price. During one of our numerous five-hour TV sessi ons, my roommates and I witnessed approximately 34 CiCi's Pizza commercials in one 30-minute segment. Enraged by CiCi's taunting us with their mountains of pizza goodness, unbeatable prices and ZERO LOCATIONS IN THE MADISON AREA, we resolved to do something about it. I quickly pulled up the CiCi's website on my laptop, located their customer service contact e-mail and sent off this message to Mr. CiCi himself:
DEAR MR. CICI,
DO YOU NOT LIKE MONEY? APPARENTLY NOT, BECAUSE YOU HAVE YET TO OPEN A CICI'S RESTAURANT IN MADISON, WISCONSIN. HOW DOES MADISON, TENNESSEE OR MADISON, IOWA GET A CICI'S PIZZA BEFORE MADISON, WISCONSIN? YOUR COMMERCIAL SAYS THAT YOUR $5 PIZZA BUFFET IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, AND IN MY CASE, IT IS. PLEASE CONSIDER THE COLLEGE DEMOGRAPHIC THAT YOUR COMMERCIAL IS CLEARLY PANDERING TO. IF YOU HAVE ANY LOGICAL RESTAURANT FRANCHISE WISDOM, YOU WILL BUILD A CICI'S PIZZA IN MADISON, WISCONSIN. HERE ARE THE PROPER STEPS:
1. BUILD CICI'S PIZZA IN MADISON, WISCONSIN
2. WATCH AS HUNGRY COLLEGE STUDENTS POUR INTO YOUR STORE
3. PROSPER
YOUR PAL,
JON
As with the majority of my mischievous antics, I expected nothing to come of this ploy but a cease and desist warrant. However, only a day later, I found this little gem in my inbox:
Hello Jon,
Thank you for your interest in CiCi's. You are absolutely right. At this time, we do not have any locations in Wisconsin, but we are getting therE as quickly as we can. We are currently selling franchises in Wisconsin and our stores will be operational as soon as possible. Our new stores in Minnesota and Illinois are doing quite well and we look forward to introducing the CiCi's concept to Wisconsin. It's nice to know that our arrival is eagerly anticipated. We always consider it a compliment when one of our guests invites us into their community and we appreciate you for that. If you know anyone who would be interested in being a franchisee, please send them our way!
In answer to your question regarding advertising, we are experiencing a large expansion and going into many new states, this year. Therefore, we opted to purchase advertising on a nationwide basis. It is much more cost effective than purchasing advertising, market by market. That way, when you are traveling or when we do make it to your area, you will know who we are and be much more apt to visit sooner. At CiCi's, we watch the spending of every penny in order to keep our buffet prices as low as possible. I'm sure that price is one of the things that drew you to us in the first place. When we do make it to your area, I hope that you will appreciate that fact and forgive us for teasing you, prematurely.
I hope that you will continue to watch for us and visit with us as soon as you can. It would be our pleasure to have you as our guest.
Sincerely,
Candice Valdez
CiCi's University
First of all, where is this CiCi's University and how do I apply? Great to know I've wasted three-plus years at UW-Madison when there was a magical university where every meal is $5 and I get all the pizza I can eat. Also, I picture guest lectures from Rocky Roccoco, that little Roman guy from Little Caesar's and the fat guy from Orv's.
However, there is a bigger lesson here: The squeaky wheel who talks in ALL CAPS gets the grease. I've singlehandedly brought CiCi's Pizza to Madison. You're welcome, by the way. I'll turn my attention to other fast-food superstores with my next angry e-mails, and soon Madison, Wis. will be the fast-food capital of the free world.
Craving a Wendy's on campus? Or are you thinking Arby's? Perhaps you want Sonic to open a restaurant on State St.? E-mail Jon all of your fast food requests in ALL CAPS at spike@wisc.edu.
