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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, February 13, 2025

APRIL FOOLS': Student boycott of Regent Street Retreat incredibly successful

A joint effort between The Daily Cardinal, The Badger Herald, the Associated Students of Madison, Sex Out Loud, College Democrats, College Republicans and 97 other student organizations to boycott the Regent Street Retreat for ""just plain sucking"" has been incredibly successful.

The boycott, which has been running for 89 days, has kept the RSR's attendance near zero on an almost daily basis.

An RSR bartender known as ""Brota"" said the lack of customers has been a serious problem lately.

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""I worked for 16 hours this weekend and only made 63 cents in tips,"" Brota said. ""And that was from a drunk guy who I let use the bathroom after he stumbled out of The Annex after closing time.""

UW-Madison senior Jared Hammer said he and his roommate stumbled in there once after getting kicked out of Jordan's Big Ten Pub and were so appalled by the general malaise surrounding the place that they vowed to never return again.

""The bouncer asked all of us what our astrological signs were and kicked one kid out who couldn't remember,"" Hammer said. ""Then he charged us four bucks for a bottle Bud Light.""

As of press time, the Law Club was considering filing a lawsuit against the RSR, asserting that their slogan ""You can't beat the 'Treat!"" was patently false and represented a clear and present danger to the previously fun evenings of UW students campuswide.

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