I recently have engaged in a sexual relationship. Since we started having sex, I have had trouble ejaculating. I think it may be because I have masturbated on a very regular basis ever since I was 13 years old. Could I be losing sensitivity down there or could something else be the problem?
B.G.
Well, B.G. I'm going to go ahead and say it's probably not because you're masturbating too much. Sure, if you're one with a penis and you masturbated somewhat shortly before getting it on, it could take you a while to come again. See, there's this thing called a refractory period that scrotum-toters experience and during that time it's darn hard to well… get hard again. ""Wait a second! Some guys can cum again and again, what's the deal?"" Like most things, refractory periods are as varying as dick size, but the average seems to be about an hour, so there's not a hard and true refractory period length.
There could be many reasons why you are finding it hard to ejaculate, B.G. Maybe you've got a lot on your mind. It can be challenging to cum when you've got a midterm coming the next day, and all you can think about is Chi-squares or the capital of Peru. And when your mind is off wandering, that's when that pesky snowball of panic can start a'rolling. Say you're going at it and after a while you realize the extended version of Barry White's greatest hits has ended. Maybe your partner has looked at the clock several times, yawned and went back to half-assedly sighing your name. It hits you: the horses are still in the gate and the finish line seems miles off. If you find yourself in this situation try this: next time you're going to get lucky, take your time. Maybe find a sexier album than Barry White's greatest hits, light a candle or two and get into some foreplay action. Not only are you more likely to feel a better connection to your partner, but you'll prime the cum pump.
Another possibility is you've got your body trained so well that if you don't do the exact thing you usually do to get off, you're not going to get anywhere. Say for example, you put just enough pressure on your parts with your middle finger and pinky finger while using a counter-clockwise twisting motion, with exactly three drops of lube, all the while pinching your right nipple and your head hanging off the southeast corner of the bed. And that's how you jerk it each and every time. Now throw yourself in the missionary position with your partner and things aren't exactly the same. Talk to your partner about your particular penchant for counter-clockwise twisting motions and involve them in the action; not only could you finally get to cum, but also you've also added a new activity to your sexual repertoire.
Also, you could try mixing things up, getting your body to work with other kinds of stimulation. This could mean throwing some toys into your masturbatory routines, like a Fleshlight that you can practice fucking, or maybe a dildo that can replicate the motions you and partner get into. Both of these exercises can help you to figure out what it is that makes your cum fountain flow and guide you toward doing something similar the next time you and your partner are getting down.
Another possibility is that perhaps you are suffering from a lack of sensitivity, but its cause isn't over-masturbation. Perhaps you're suffering from dry sex. Closely related to another sex issue, dry mouth, dry sex is the result of not having enough lube thrown into the mix. At Sex Out Loud, they say, ""the wetter the sex, the better the sex,"" meaning you can never have too much lube. Lube helps increase sensation while decreasing the risk of uncomfortable friction building up. Also, don't put a little lube on and then put the bottle way in your secret, locked sex drawer across the room. Lube tends to get a little tacky after a while, and you'll need to reapply. While we're on the subject of lube, here's a little tip: say you're sporting a condom, but you're finding the sensitivity to be a bit lacking, adding drop or two of your favorite lube in the tip can do wonders for adding stimulation.
Long story short, B.G. you're not masturbating too much, no matter what that Tea Bagger from Delaware says. In fact, if anything you're just doing your sex homework. Besides being fun, masturbation can really help us understand what we like and then communicate that to our partners. So go ahead! Masturbate to your heart's content.
