According to several sources, Martin Kaysher has been spotted strutting with through campus with self-assured swagger in the past few weeks. His uniform of baggy jeans, North Face jacket and a flat brim Yankees hat has established, without a doubt, that Kaysher is a die-hard coastie and New York Yankees fan.
There's just one problem. Kaysher's family is from Pittsburgh and they currently reside in Minnesota. Despite this, Kaysher has led many people to believe otherwise. That Yankees hat brought him considerable fortune in the past weeks including, but not limited to: high fives from coastie ""strangers,"" the enthusiastic approval of a professor originally from New York and even a new legging-and-crop-top sporting NY-native girlfriend.
Kasyer explained how he met the girl of his dreams at a Starbucks just two weeks ago after commenting that he too was from New York.
""She was just so hot, so of course I said I was from New York,"" the tool said. Next thing I knew she had given me her number. Honestly, I'm originally from Pittsburgh, so I can't support the Twins. What am I gonna do, root for the Pirates? I've got a rep to protect, so I'm rocking the Yankees hat at the moment.""
Despite Kaysher's newfound friendships with coasties, many people are beginning to grow suspicious.
One of Kaysher's New York friends, Andy Gold, commented on their recent friendship.
""Yeah, [Kaysher]'s cool. I mean, he seems to like the Yankees, but to tell you the truth I'm not sure he's actually from New York,"" Gold said.
Gold elaborated by explaining that he and his friends have grown suspicious of Kaysher's native residency after they asked Kaysher where in New York state he was from. Kaysher took a lengthy pause before reportedly responding that he was from ""Brooklyn or some shit.""
Despite increasing suspicion, Kaysher makes it clear that he has no intention of trading in his Yankees hat any time soon.
""I bought this [Yankees] hat less than a month ago when I was a nobody. I was a social peasant. And look at me now—I'm a fucking king. How could I explain to [new girlfriend and New York native] Jackie that I'm just a guy who grew up in Pittsburgh and moved to Minnesota? She would never understand,"" Kaysher said quietly as a teardrop twinkled in his left eye.
But before I could ask any more questions, Kaysher excused himself from the interview, explaining that Jackie had requested new Ugg boots in honor of the couple's two-week anniversary, and he had yet to purchase them.
