To the overachievers, the brainiacs, the questionnaires in class, the people who are so damn smart they just naturally set the curve of the class; to you people, I have two words: Do Less.
To the people who run up Bascom Hill, the people who are triple majoring, the girls who wear leggings that look like they are literally painted on and the students that drive BMWs and live in lavish Lucky suites while attending college: Do Less.
All these people deserve to be called out because you should stop trying so damn hard and simply Do Less.
We all can either a) be these people (and may or may not feel a sense of temporary annoyance with me telling you to stop), or b) know these people and are familiar with the ironic feelings that I have with them.
Now we all have the Dane Cook labeled ""Karens"" of our friendship group, the girls who literally won't stop complaining about anything, ever. The ""crop me out of the picture because my thighs look big and my face is too shiny"" type girls. The ""I just can't get my cleavage to stick out of my shirt far enough [crying sigh]"" type girls. And the ""daddy, I'm all out of money, will you please transfer some into my account."" To them I say: Do Less.
If you don't have a ""Karen"" in your friend group, consider yourself lucky. Yet, I'll bet my journalistic career that you know someone who should Do Less.
Often, the Do Less person you know is your drunken friend. Because, quite frankly, you are in Madison and when you are drunk you take Do Less to new, unprecedented heights. *(If you yourself are the ""drunken"" friend of the group, you may find these instances far too familiar.)
When drinking, Do Less. A frequent example is bragging about how much you can drink and proceeding to throw up ten minutes later. Naturally, you may blame it on that shot of Mr. Boston (the absolute finest vodka there is) or that beer that you just shot gunned (the one you needed so badly, right?) When in reality, we all know you should pump the brakes and just Do Less.
Do Less may come into action when you see a girl with her bra showing and overtly flirting with a boy at a party. The touchy-feely grabbing, the beer stain down her shirt and the continuous laughter may give it away, but quite simply: Girl, you should Do Less. (Trust me, it will work to your benefit in this situation, I promise. Unless it's that protein-enhanced, overly muscular bouncer at Wandos, in that case you are on your own).
Do Less may also come into play during drinking to the point of plain stupidity. Being ""soooo drunk"" is not an excuse to shave a mohawk into your head, buddy. Don't get me wrong, we believe that your level of intoxication was high, but when you are still rockin' the 'hawk two weeks later, I have two words for you: Do Less. And some other advice, just shave the 'hawk. Nobody can rock one and you are not getting the ""good looks"" from the ladies—don't kid yourself.
If you find these situations and quotes relatable please stop, take a step back and analyze yourself. Do Less and stop trying so damn hard. Pull your shirt up, push your cleav' down and buzz your hair. Stop studying so much, start wearing shirts that cover your plastered legging look and stop being an over achiever by running up Bascom. For God's sake, I don't even know people who find it enjoyable to walk up that hill. Your over-zealous and cocky persona—although funny and quite humorous to me—is just making people around you say Do Less. And before someone says it to your face, I am breaking it to you now—by doing less you are doing more. Thank you in advance.
Yes. Paradoxically, I did use the phrase ""Do Less"" in my column many, many times. Maybe now you too will see how annoying it is when someone should Do Less.
