""I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough.""
I found this quote by my favorite surrealist sketch artist M.C. Escher while going about my lifelong quest to find the ultimate ""quote of the ages"" on the Internet. I've always been a steadfast proponent of quotes, mainly for their ability to spur a person into deep thought and/or pump someone up for a few brief minutes. I'm hoping that when I come across that one coup de gras of quotes I'll finally experience that ""freshly inspired"" feeling permanently. Until then, I'll just have to keep using them to introduce columns.
With regard to that quote by good Ol' Mr. Escher, I've been having some dream issues recently that I would like to share. This past month I've been doing some detective work. You see, my subconscious and I have been at each other's throats as of late and in order to rectify our plight I've been searching through endless ""dream-interpretation"" websites. These sites apparently promise to make some sense of the shit that goes on in the cranial regions during slumber hours. However, my issue is not with horrible nightmares or traumatic experiences, but with consistent and vivid dreams that are simply full of fucked-up oddities and make as much sense as Snooki becoming celibate.
Every time I put my head down to go to sleep, I wonder what kind of epically deranged storyline awaits me for the next eight hours. I'll never know whether I'm going to be chased through some Brazilian Favela by angry, mutant Israelis armed with Tomahawks and sawed-off shotguns, or dressed in a full suit of armor flying through an enormous cave on a giant, winged tigress. Honestly, if Alice thought she had it bad in Wonderland, I would love to invite her and that cracked out jackrabbit companion of hers into my brainstem for some tea one night just to let her know how easy she had it.
So as I glanced through the website's list of the more common dreams and their meanings, I quickly learned how deranged my mind really is. The dreams they have listed are so simplistic that I'd give just about anything to swap one out with the nonsense I have to deal with most every night. Teeth falling out, being naked in public, failing a test, boo fucking hoo. The only dream I found that came close to my own was the ""being lost or trapped"" dream, which is supposed to symbolize being unable to make the right decisions in life—fair enough for me, I'd say.
But in my dream I was forced against my will to be in a traveling slave-circus run by vicious, yet intelligent, baboons. We were crossing the desert from monkey city to monkey city performing ""human tricks"" for lesser primates. So, am I to believe that my subconscious created this demented ""Planet of the Apes"" meets Barnum & Bailey plot scenario just to tell me I'm making the wrong decisions in life? If this is the case, then that's just plain unfair.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about these sad excuses for movies that I'm creating in my head every night, but maybe, with enough refining, one of these dreams will be Oscar-winning material. At least for now I don't have to watch quite so much TV at night to get my fill of bad plots.
If you have any advice to give Andrew on taming his subconscious e-mail him at aplahr@wisc.edu. You will be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.
