OK cool, I'm not late. Prince really knows how to put the pep in my step. That power walk was worth it; I'm a little sweaty, but shit happens. And besides, I'd rather be a little sweaty when no one is here rather than be the sweaty-and-out-of-breath mess that stumbles into class five minutes late. Where to sit, where to sit? Are there any lefty desks? Anywhere? Nope. OK. That seat has a nice view of the lake. Now I can watch ducks waddle on the ice. No, no. Don't sit there. You'll get too distracted. There aren't any ducks in Wisconsin in January anyway, right? Whatever. There's a nice spot facing a concrete wall. Perfect.
""Back to school! Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool! I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight! Ohhhh, back to""—well helloooo, gorgeous eyes. All right, all right, we got some eye candy up in Helen C. White. I haven't seen him in any of my other classes. Are his eyes blue? No, they look green. Maybe they're a greenish-blue. Oh shit, he sees me staring. Avert eye contact quickly. Yep just looking at my notes. All of a sudden I'm just really interested in my notes. Fifteen seconds have passed; I think it's safe to look up. Nope, definitely not. He caught me looking at him again. Should have waited an extra ten seconds. Dumb Kathleen, dumb.
More people are starting to file in. Give them a little smile; you don't want to come off as cold-hearted. OK, whoa Kathleen, tame the smile; you don't want to come off as a freak hopped up on coffee. Hmmm that kid looks familiar. Where have I seen him before? Did I have a psych lecture with him sophomore year? Or maybe he hosted a party that I went to for like five minutes my freshman year? Nope. Scanning him up and down… oh God. He's sandal boy. The kid that always wears sandals even when it's cold out. How does he do it? More importantly, why does he do it? Oh no, and he hasn't clipped his toenails since… maybe September. Gross. Must look away.
TA has landed. Can't read his facial expressions. Can't read his voice inflection either—pretty monotone. But I can attempt to read his hair. We got some gel going on. It's flicked up in the front, sort of like my classmates did back in fifth grade, but I'll let it slide. Maybe he's got a lunch date and he's trying to impress another TA. Props to him for going on dates. OK enough of this, time to concentrate.
TA: ""Hey guys, I'm Mike and we'll just do the standard getting to know each other activity. Name, year and something interesting about yourself so we can remember who you are.""
Oh man, I'm second in line. Got to think of something quickly. As soon as someone tells me to think of something interesting to say, I become the least interesting person in the world. And when I'm put on the spot my voice gets all squeaky and sometimes cracks like I'm a 13-year-old boy. OK something interesting. Think. Think. I have a black lab? Lame. Everyone and their third cousin has a freaking dog. Think! Oh shoot, the kid next to me is talking about his service work in South Africa this past summer. I can't top that. Think!
TA: ""Wow that's awesome, Jimmy! Thank you for sharing. OK you're next.""
Here it goes. I guess I'll go with my staple answer.
Me: ""Hi, my name is Kathleen Brosnan and I'm a senior. Something interesting about me is that my uncle is Pierce Brosnan. You know, from the James Bond movies.""
Crap, no one is laughing. Not even a little bit. They think I'm serious.
TA: ""Cool, looks like we got Hollywood among us. Do you call him Uncle Pierce?""
Do I play along? Does he know I'm kidding? I really wished he had some facial expressions or inflection in that voice.
Me: ""Definitely… Actually, no. I was making a joke. He's not my uncle. We just share a last name. I, uh, thought it might be funny.""
TA: ""So you lied? Jimmy just finished telling us about the hospitals he volunteered at in South Africa and you feed the class a lie? Why would you do that, Kathleen? Why? Why?""
Me: ""Umm I don't know… I have a dog.""
TA: ""Yeah, don't we all? Next.""
Rough crowd. Real rough. I'll just sit here and try to pretend I'm not embarrassed for being made a fool in front of everyone. I'll just nod and smile as everyone else tells their stories. Oh my God, my TA thinks I'm a liar. He hates me. He really, really hates me. I want my mommy.
TA: ""Thank you everyone for participating; I'm sure in about two weeks I'll have all your names memorized. Now we're going to dive into discussing the reading. Who can tell me the significance of the first chapter? What was the author trying to convey through his writing style?""
I hate to raise my hand first. Once one goes up, I'll raise mine. Bingo. Thanks, Bobby boy for starting us off. Now once he finishes I'll raise mine. I hate when people keep their hand raised while someone is answering a question. Oh well looky, looky, little miss Jessica is one of those people. Put your hand down. That's obnoxious. Clearly you don't care about what others are saying and you're just concentrated on saying whatever stupid thing you have to say. Mike won't put up with this. As a matter of fact, he's looking at Jessica right now. He'll tell her off.
TA: ""Jessica, looks like you have some input. I like your enthusiasm!""
Are you kidding me? Oh and she's just reading a passage out of the damn book. Anyone could have done that.
TA: ""Thanks for sharing, Jessica! Ann, I saw your hand up.""
Grrr, she beat me to the punch. Discussion sections should have buzzers, just like they do in Jeopardy. I know I look like I just rolled out of bed, and your eyes might be more apt to look in the direction of Ann who looks like she just came from a Miss America pageant, but come on, I did the reading too!
Speaking of looks, she too looks familiar. Did she live in my dorm freshman year? Or maybe she works at the Union and I recognize her because I get chicken fingers there an embarrassing number of times. Wait a second, that's the girl that spilled beer on me two years ago when I was playing cards at the Terrace. I knew I saw her at the Union. Accident or not, we're enemies. Oh shoot, and she's saying basically the same thing I was going to say. OK flip through the pages and look for something new. Gosh darnit; I brought the wrong book.
TA: ""Great, Ann! Kathleen, what were you going to say?""
Ummm. Ummm.
Me: ""… I like turtles.""
Do you not get that last reference to turtles? If you don't, YouTube ""I like turtles."" Do you think raising your hand during discussion is a surprisingly complicated process? Do you have an inner dialogue going in your head during discussion? Please share with Kathleen at kqbrosnan@wisc.edu.
