""Lately, my girlfriend and I haven't been having the best of times in the bedroom. We've found ourselves stuck in a cycle where I can't reach orgasm so she believes that it's a failure on her part and becomes less interested and focused during sex. Of course, this only serves to increase the pressure on my part to cum, which seems to make that even less likely to happen and it all starts again. Help!""
—Frustrated In Bed
Alright FIB, (and I sincerely hope you're from Wisconsin and not our Southern neighbor, otherwise what an apropos little name you have there…) it sounds like you all have a little block in your sex life. So here are a few things to ponder: First, if you're a dude with a penis, how many times a day do you wax your love pole? No really. Are you a morning, afternoon and evening sort of guy? One who needs to rush home between O-Chem and that afternoon power lecture to let off a little, erm—steam? Because if that's you, stop. Sure, the more you jack off the more in tune you become with your body, the more understanding you have about what makes you tap your foot like Thumper on steroids (Are we all too young to get that reference?) but most importantly, the more drained your balls are.
So stop. Try jerking off just once a day. Heck, see if you can go a whole two days without touching yourself. That ought to get your pump all primed for its big time to shine later on. A last note about ways to potentially fix your dick problem is to consider the unfortunate fact that condoms, while awesome at helping to protect us from some STI's, also dull some of the feeling during sex. To help avoid this side effect for a highly effectual form of protection, put some lube on the inside of the condom, but not too much. Your dick doesn't need to be swimming in a fish tank, and you don't want it to slip off so you end up spelunking for rubbers.
But let's say you're only whacking off once in a while, or your dick has nothing to do with it, (or you don't have one), and still the juices aren't flowing. Perhaps you might consider the fact that your sex life is just plain boring. When was the last time you and your girlfriend tried a new position? Have you seen those books with 1,001 sex positions? Go find one and try it out. Be sure to stretch first, as nothing will ruin a romp like an ill-timed charley horse, or worse, a trip to the chiropractor. You could also try having your girlfriend role-play the hot TA who thinks you're cheating and has a very special punishment for you. Adding a different variable or trying something new might be the trick to getting your humpage back from being a chore.
Another thing to consider is the timing and sex locale. Are you two squeezing in a quick bunny hump between your afternoon classes and her job at the Union? Or are you making time for foreplay and getting each other going? Also, is there a threat that your roommate might burst in at any moment? Moral of the story here, FIB, is to slow down and take it easy. Make sure the space is right by lighting some candles or allowing the sweet, sweet melodies of Barry Manilow (or is it Barry White?) set the mood. Try masturbating each other, or for one another, to get things really moving, then go in for the big finale. And for lords' sake, make sure no one is going to barge in at an inopportune time.
From time to time we all lose some interest in sex (a collective gasp emanates from every Dirty Bird's mouth) and when that happens, it's time to think about recalibrations. After all, the brain is the most powerful sex organ, so use it. We're all smart, college-educated folks here; analyze what's going on. Are the sensations lacking? I've given you a few ideas to change that. Is studying for psychology a better use of your time than experiencing waves of pleasure from your partner? Then spice things up. But most importantly, FIB, talk to your partner and let her know that it's not anyone's ""fault"" no one is cumming and set about figuring out what will get things working again.
Have other sex related questions? Of course you do! E-mail them to sex@dailycardinal.com.
