LOONEY TOONS LAND—Led by kidnapped NBA star-turned-baseball-player Michael Jordan, a rag tag Toon Squad defeated the Monstars 78-76 Thursday in one of the most impressive comebacks in sports history, saving the animated heroes from a life of slavery on Moron Mountain.
Few observers gave Jordan's squad a chance of beating the brutes from Moron Mountain. After stealing the talent of NBA stars Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Muggsy Bogues, Shawn Bradley and Larry Johnson, the Monstars were considered close to unbeatable.
The heavy favorites put on a basketball exhibition in the first half, building a 66-18 halftime lead and making the Tune Squad look more hapless than a Bo Ryan tournament team.
""We just couldn't match their physicality in the first half and it showed on the scoreboard,"" Jordan said. ""We couldn't buy a call out there but in the end we can't make excuses: We just needed to go out, put some hay in the barn and get back to playing Tune Squad basketball.""
The Tune Squad would need a miracle to prevent a life of slavery under Monstars owner and GM Schwackhammer at his galactic theme park, and they got just that from Jordan.
Thanks to ""Michael's Secret Stuff,"" a reinvigorated Tune Squad came out on a tear in the second half, igniting for a 48-2 run to draw the score to 68-66. The Toons employed their signature brand of zany hijinks to shut down the potent Monstar offense.
""The explosives on the basket were my idea,"" Tune Squad guard Wile E. Coyote said. ""I've had limited success with them in the past, but it felt good to be able to come through for my team in such a big game.""
The Monstars responded to the Tune Squad's reenergized play and upped their physicality, using body slams, fire breath and other acts of unspeakable brutality to take a 77-76 lead with 10 seconds left in the game.
Late entrant Bill Murray took the ball off a Daffy Duck steal with time winding down, throwing it to Jordan who leaped toward the basket.
Time appeared to slow as Jordan gradually stretched towards the basket with two Monstars hanging off his waist. In dramatic fashion, Jordan extended his arm from the three-point line to the basket, dunking the ball as time expired to give the Tune Squad one of the more improbable victories in sports history.
""After kidnapping me and forcing me into physical labor, this was the least I could do for the Toons,"" Jordan said. ""This win tops them all.""
