Being a legislator is a stressful job. It really takes a lot out of you—expels a lot of your energy. Wears on your bones, as I'm sure any one of my colleagues could tell you.
Naturally, with all this pain and tightness, I consider myself a connoisseur of relaxation techniques. And let me tell you, there's nothing better than a good massage parlor. It doesn't matter if Jeff Fitzgerald has been riding me about state worker benefits or if Brett Hulsey has been following me around trying to see what my weekend plans are, massage parlors just suck the pain away. It's like a happy ending to my week.
In particular, there's a parlor up in Appleton that I'm always up for. It's called Heavenly Touch, and if I could buy stock in that company, I would buy the whole thing. Unfortunately, they are not selling themselves. Like, totally not selling themselves.
The best thing about Heavenly Touch is that they really know how to use their hands. Really, the job they do with their hands is quite magnificent. Some might go so far as to say orgasmic. And to think, these masseuses often have to stand on the street corner to sell their work. For shame.
And to top things off, Heavenly Touch is also a great hair salon. I leave every visit nicely trimmed looking like a Brazilian model. And they really know how to use a blow dryer, too. No one will ever blow you better than the great women of Heavenly Touch.
Overall, I would recommend Heavenly Touch to any overworked state legislator. Particularly any of those stodgy guys with a lot of pent up frustrations, because it's a great release. I'm looking at you, Steve Nass, you sexy dog, you. But leave your wife at home, I don't think massage parlors are really her thing.
