When it comes to rape and dating violence, it can be easy for some students to dismiss the issues as irrelevant to their lives. If no one comes out as a survivor to them, people assume no one they know is. Considering, however, that one in four women will be a victim of rape or attempted rape during her time in college and 32 percent of college students experience dating violence, it seems impossible that someone could not know anyone affected by these acts.
Below are the stories of three women who are, in many ways, just like you. They don't have the word ""survivor"" tattooed on their foreheads, and they don't live a life of exile because of their experiences. But they, like many people, have encountered rape and dating violence.
(Trigger warning: The material below may be difficult to read. Discretion is advised.)
""I was raped by one of my good guy friends. I was raped at my best friend's house while she and her boyfriend were there. I don't think I had ever said the word ‘no' more than I did that night. It was all I could say as I pushed his hands away and tried to push his body off me. Finally, I just gave up. It was like I was watching it all happen from across the room. I didn't tell anyone about the rape for two years.
""When I finally did tell someone, their reaction was anger toward me for not calling the police or telling anyone. The second person I told asked why I would ever let myself get into that situation. It's been four years now and I still struggle to talk about it. If I could tell you one thing you can do for survivors, it is be there for them, believe them and never ever blame them.""
—your fellow Badger
""To my 18-year-old self, a relationship was only abusive if there was physical violence, so it took me a year to grapple with the fact that the guy I considered to be my first love was emotionally abusive.
""We'd dated for nine months prior to my coming to UW. From the start, he treated me badly, building me up strictly for the purpose of tearing me back down. When I told him I loved him, he said he would never love me and never want to have sex with me. One night, he said he was having a guys' night, but while walking the dog I found his car parked in front of the house of a girl who lived two doors down from me and had tried to break us up. When I confronted him, the situation somehow became my fault. Because I loved him, I was blind to the reality of our relationship, and thought if I were a little cooler or prettier, he'd value me more.
""Despite my wanting otherwise, we broke up before going to college, but he'd call me and tell me about all the hot girls and his new girlfriend, who was apparently ‘the one.'
""Eventually I cut him out of my life, but the residual emotional effects still linger.""
—your fellow Badger
""I knew him through friends and seen had him around, but we didn't meet until recently. We hit it off, hooking up a few times, mostly kissing—never sex, I told him I didn't want to—and I started to really like him.
""One night we decided to meet up around 2 a.m. I went to his place, and we were both drunk. When we got in his room, I noticed a hole in his door. He told me he punched it the night before while drunk but had no recollection of it. I was freaked out, especially having been told he used to fight with his ex-girlfriend, but brushed it off for the time being. When we started making out, he tried taking off my skirt, but I said no.
A few minutes later, he pushed my underwear aside and put his penis inside me. Upset and afraid, I pushed him out and told him I didn't want to do that, but a minute later he did it again. I felt afraid and violated. I pushed him out again, and unsure of what to do, rolled over and fell asleep.
""I left as quickly as I could in the morning, and as soon as I got outside started crying. I felt like my body wasn't my own, afraid it had been my fault and that I could be pregnant.""
—your fellow Badger
When you walk around campus, realize that survivors are among you, that people who sing ""Varsity!"" and drink on the Terrace are not immune to these issues. These are problems facing UW students, and thus they are the UW community's responsibility to solve.
For anyone seeking help for themselves or a friend, please contact the Rape Crisis Center at (608) 251-7273 or Domestic Abuse Intervention Services at (608) 251-4445.
This column was compiled by Promoting Awareness Victim Empowerment. Please send feedback to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
