Over spring break my boyfriend and I were going to test his stamina. My friend always tells me about non-stop ecstasy with her boy and I thought being naked in bed for a whole day or two would be really fun. The problem is, my boyfriend claims he can't get hard enough for sex until at least 24 hours after coming. That's a huge bummer. Is there anyway to ""refresh"" a guy so he can have sex more often/sooner after coming? It was fun, but frustrating to personally test. (For the record, we still spent a wonderful day naked in bed, just without as much sex as we planned).
—Thanks, Missing Out
So, M.O., your mission, as it were, is to get your boyfriend primed and ready for a bunch of rolls in the hay. You're likely to be disappointed when I tell you that when a penis isn't ready to go again, no amount of huffing and puffing is going to inflate it. But there are lots of other things you can do, so keep reading.
First, it's important to understand why your boyfriend's penis isn't cooperating. It's not because he doesn't like you or find you attractive, or that he's thinking about his grandma, or because he's nervous (all of those things are possible, but since things already worked at least once recently, my bet is this isn't the case). The fact is, your boyfriend is suffering from a physiological phenomenon called the refractory period. Refractory periods are those pesky times following orgasm when a penis, in spite of its owner, is incapable of getting another erection. There are many reasons for this, including the release of oxytocin immediately following orgasm, which inhibits erections or increased prolactin levels which suppress dopamine production and thus make it difficult for sexual arousal to occur.
Not every guy has the same refractory period. On average, men experience a refractory period that lasts about a half hour, though for some older gentlemen, it can last up to a day, and for those barely legal boys, it can last as little as 15 minutes. Some guys, who are truly scientific marvels, have a refractory period of only a few seconds. Those are the marathon humpers, and are probably very popular. But how does this information help you achieve your mission of having marathon sex with a boyfriend who is stuck on the couch? It doesn't, really. Sorry. There's not much you can do to affect chemical production in your boyfriend's body (at least, as it pertains to this issue). You can however work with what you've got, and that, it turns out, is a lot.
When you're raring to go post-coitus but your boyfriend remains limp as a noodle, you could break out some toys. Why not have your boyfriend try masturbating you with a vibrator or dildo. If you don't have one but want one, go over to your favorite sex toy store and look around. You're likely to find one that will fit the bill. If you don't want to introduce toys in the bedroom, oral sex is a great alternative. The last time I checked, no matter how much you work your tongue, it never experiences a refractory period. Ask your boyfriend to go down on you and who knows, maybe that refractory period will shorten if you both really get into it.
But let's say you don't want to be eaten out and being masturbated with a dildo or vibrator doesn't really do it for you. What then? Luckily, some entrepreneurial folks devised a system of straps and flaps called a harness or strap-on. If your boyfriend's refractory period lasts inordinately long but you want to feel all the effects of being pounded that don't come with a vibrator or dildo alone, talk to your boyfriend about buying a strap-on. It works just as the name suggests, you put your legs through some straps, tighten another around your waist, and insert a dildo in a hole, and voila! A penis with no refractory period! And as an added bonus, you could strap it on and use it on your boyfriend if he's into it.
So, M.O., I'm sorry I can't offer you many solutions to ""refresh"" your guy.
Unfortunately, penises don't come with a restart button. But with a little creativity, or simply moving on to other activities in the interim, the world is your sex oyster.
Sex questions? E-mail sex@dailycardinal.com.
