Welp, it's official. I am a senior at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. This means a number of things: I find myself bawling, ""This is the last time I'll ever (insert token Wisco-activity here),"" on a disturbingly regular basis. I never turn down a cold Spotted Cow or a loaf of fresh, spicy cheesy bread because I don't know how many more times such opportunities will come around. (Note: I've gained five pounds since returning to Madison.) Lastly, I have mastered how to get an A without reading and/or buying textbooks. (Just kidding, Mom and Dad!)
Being a senior also means this is my fourth year of UW-Madison's most awful tradition: Ice-breakers. Don't get me wrong: I want to meet and enjoy getting to know my classmates, but must I do so by discussing what animal I'm most like and why? I'm tired of telling people I'm hippo because I have stumps for legs.
It's time we—awkward political science majors looking for an avenue to interact with our peers—found a more creative method of getting to know one another. My suggestion: Would You Rather…?
Sure, Would You Rather…? is a bit juvenile, but the best things always are. Besides, I feel more comfortable discussing the intricacies of the American presidency once I know I've surrounded myself with people who appreciate smoked gouda and a nice glass of cold water. Thus I propose these three questions as alternatives to the tired, traditional ice-breaker:
Would you rather give up cheese or oral sex?
Anyone who says they would give up cheese has not thought this question through. Thankfully, society has progressed enough that people are free to admit they love third base, but I would much rather profess my love for fresh mozzarella than blowjobs, and that's not because I'm shy about my sexuality. It's because cheese is better than oral sex. C'mon people. Macaroni and cheese. Pizza. Cheeseburgers. Grilled cheese. Cheese curds. Need I continue? Besides, Wisconsin is America's Dairyland, not America's Blowjobland.
Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex, or have your parents walk in on you having sex?
Questions like this one are why Would You Rather…? is such a great game. No matter how you answer, you're going to end up horrified. As soon as you think you would rather see your dad giving it to your mom, you start to spasm, vomit in your mouth and decide the opposite would be preferable. You then think about the visual your parents would get if they saw you and your boyfriend going at it on the ""Toy Story"" sheets you've never had the heart to take off your bed, and suddenly you are back at square one.
Would you rather give up the cold side of the pillow or drink tepid water for the rest of your life?
It's the little things in life, isn't it? Well, this question forces people to decide exactly what little things they value most. And yes, this question may not be as funny or risqué as the previous two (something I'm discovering the hard way as I try to write about it in what is supposed to be a humor column), but it's genuinely interesting, and is that not the intention of ice-breakers?
You may think students' answers to these questions are just as inconsequential as their favorite ice cream flavor (pistachio!) or sports team (Cubs!), but it's not so much about people's answers as it is the conversation Would You Rather...? sparks. It allows people to actually connect to their classmates instead of just scoffing at those students who still name ""Friends"" as their favorite television show. I'm not suggesting professors or TAs actually use these questions (yes I am), but if we could break free from the ""OMFG ARE YOU A ‘HARRY POTTER' OR ‘TWILIGHT' PERSON?"" nonsense, that would be stupendous.
Would you rather not give up ice-breakers? Explain why or send any additional Would You Rather...? questions you have to Jacqueline O'Reilly at jgoreilly@dailycardinal.com.
