Dear Bascom,
I'm a freshman living in the dorms and I have a terrible roommate. There isn't a moment in the day when she isn't chewing with her mouth open, texting maniacally, skyping at full volume or sitting on MY BED with her shoes on! I thought I could just grin and bear it but she is nuts, and slowly my mind and GPA are dying. Help me out.
—On the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Dear girl on the verge,
Tell your roommate I'm sorry she has to share her room with such an uptight and uncompassionate person! Sheesh!
Alright, I'm only slightly kidding here, but actually, you're roommate sounds exactly like me, with the minor exception that I would only do these things if my roommate weren't in the room (…or passed out drunk).
The main thing to keep in mind is that you're both in the same boat. While all of the things your roommate does are bothersome, just remember that she is likely thinking the same thing about some of your habits (like waking up every morning at 6:45 to shower and straighten your hair, and demanding that all of the DVDs remain alphabetized). College, especially freshman year, is a time for change and finding out who you really are.
If your roommate decides this is the person she wants to be, she will gravitate toward people like herself, in which case you're stuck with an inconvenient roommate. On the other hand, if she receives the rude awakening that I reckon is on its way, she will gradually change her habits and you may find cohabitation to be less of a burden and more of an experience, for both of you.
At any rate, you shouldn't expect her to change unless you endlessly blackmail or threaten her. What we know for sure in this situation is that you are the one inconvenienced, so do something about it: when she decides to nuke some Ramen in the microwave, head down to the dining hall with friends to avoid her slurping and chomping; when she's skyping, take a study break and head to the SERF; and the next time she tries to sit on your bed, slap her in the face.
If it really comes down to it, the only thing you really need to do in your room is sleep, so find places on campus to accomplish all of your daily tasks (e.g. library, a friend's room, any building or room labeled ""off limits"" and guarded with a giant three-headed dog).
And if nothing else, get a boyfriend and stay in his dorm, though I expect you might, in turn, run back to your roommate. Oh, also, retaliate.
—M. Wendt
