College Questions with Davis Scrottinger!
Dear Davis: What does beer taste like? - Carrie, Kronshage
Excellent question Carrie, what a bold query for a lil' Lakeshore gal like yourself! You should know, Carrie, I like to visualize my question-askers before I write back. It helps me get to know you, in an imaginary sort of way. I picture you, Carrie, sitting alone in your dorm room, staring at your Dell desktop screen, patiently waiting to read the online version of this column like you have been for the last five days since you asked it. Your plain face is adorned by thick glasses. The walls of your dorm room with horse posters. But you're a winner, Carrie, and the swimming medals for participation above your desk make it seem that way.
Now, for you I had to imagine extra hard, honey, 'cause to be honest I've never taken the twenty mile walk to the Lakeshore Compound, so I'm not so sure exactly what sort of humans grow out there. But from what I remember from imagining about it in the past, it's a quaint little learning commune where people communicate through white erase boards on dorm room doors and socialize with Star Wars"" and Quenton Tarantino-related names in chat rooms. It makes me smile to think of all the little braniacs scurrying hither and thither with their heads down and red wagons filled with textbooks in tow on their way to Steenbock after a day spent searching for cool bugs in the forest.
But I'll be the first to admit that sometimes my imagination strays from reality. I'm pretty sure they feed you guys over there, because you all stay alive, but if I had to be completely honest, I'm not quite sure what sort of an existence transpires between feedings. Maybe you could start a helpful column where us normals ask you guys questions! On second thought, that'd be really boring. I think its better for you guys if more is left up to the imagination.
But hey, you guys do have the lake out there. Well, I guess we do too, but for you guys it's all you have, so it's probably easier to appreciate. And if you break your arm or something the hospital is much closer. So it all evens out. In any case, Carrie, I'm sure the best years of your life are passing swimmingly over there in the 'Shore. In any case, it's fun for me to imagine life in that cloistered corner of the college campus. Even so, it's too bad I'm stuck imagining what things are like for you guys over there. I wish there were classes that both Lakeshore kids and the rest of the student body could take together, so we could learn about each other and realize that we're not that different, just like they do with the Coasties.
You know what, Carrie? I just added that idea to my list of good ideas.
Oh, I almost forgot to answer your question! Here I am blabbering like a fool and you're probably about to cry over there because I forgot to tell you what beer tastes like and now you're worried you'll never know! Of course I'm just kidding there, I'm sure you Lakeshorers are a thick-skinned bunch. No cry-babies in Kronshage, that's what they always say! (But not 'til after the first two weeks!) Thanks for putting up with my joshin', Care-Bear. You Lakeshorers are a patient bunch. By the way, I'm guessing you wrote in with a fake name so that your community over there wouldn't know you were even thinking about good old Vitamin B. So don't worry, person with NetID ""cmurray4
