Perhaps it is the amazing weather we've had the last few weeks. (Damn you, Al Gore, for inventing global warming!) Or perhaps you are so excited--maybe even sexually aroused--by the thought of Halloween that the essays, reading, and workouts have taken a backseat to longboarding and excessive alcoholism (Tuesdays are the new Wednesdays, which are the new Thursdays, bro). Either way, I have observed the temptation to forget studies and do whatever it is you do to relax, be that smoke or ""OMG I'm going to get schwasty with my [insert sorority name here] bitches!"" Well have no fear, dear readers, for I have three tips for you to stop procrastination.
Tip 1: To-do List
I know. Your anal roommate makes these and they are longer than your weiner. He always crosses tasks off with a big smile on his face like he just throat-punched a hipster. But he has a better GPA than you, his laundry doesn't sit and develop a smell like Chewbacca's butthole and he doesn't even forget to call his grandma on her birthday. Make a list every Monday, or even every morning. Check stuff off of it. Repeat!
Tip 2: Self-Control
No. Not real self control. Real self control is a myth. Just like Jesus, President Obama's birth certificate and the concept that a Communication Arts degree has any real-world application. I'm talking about Self-control, an online program (fo' free!) that allows you to type in an Internet address and a time limit. It WILL NOT let you go to that site for the time you entered (anywhere between 15 minutes and 6 hours). So when you get to your room and open your laptop, just start Self-control and plug in Facebook, Twitter and/or YouJizz, and you're all set. Note: The program works even if you delete it (That's some crazy wizard shit, brah!). I know. That is some crazy wizard shit.
Tip 3: Buddy system
There's no ""I"" in ""studying."" Besides, you're much less likely to do distracting stuff like listen to music or procrasturbate with a study partner. Also, you can pick study partners who are better than you! Isn't that everyone? It could be anyone. That way you will feel motivated to try harder. Ask someone in every class. The smart one with the acne and snaggletooth will do. Note: Try not to study with your friends, even if they are in your class and smarter. While you study, you may have to be a complete Judas, like Biddy Martin, and get away from them. Save the bro sesh for later!
For more study tips. drop Ben a line at stoffelrosal@wisc.edu.
