Erica,
Hey, I was wondering if you could help me. What does it take to completely satisfy a woman in bed?
—M.N.
I saw your article about blowjobs and it was awesome, except I am a boy (18, straight) and I do the opposite, finger. I never have before, and I just got myself a new girlfriend so it probably will come up eventually. I am so lost on everything about it. If you could give me some tips that would be great.
Thanks so much,
—John
Regular readers will remember the first question from last week, and the second question is a variation on the same theme. So today, since it’s clearly a subject on many minds, we’re going to talk about the ins and outs of female sexual satisfaction.
The most important tip was given last week, and it was to ask our partners how they like to be pleasured or ask them to show us (i.e. let us watch while they masturbate). Pay attention to as many details as possible: how many fingers, which fingers, clockwise circles or counterclockwise ones. Many people (regardless of gender) orgasm most reliably in a fairly particular way. Our goal is to replicate that, especially if our partner is telling or showing us exactly what they need. However, in addition to that customized kind of pleasure, here are a couple of other tricks.
Odds are very good that the clitoris is gonna need some lovin’. From the outside, the clitoris is a nubbin of tissue just above the junction of the inner vaginal lips. If you can’t find it, Google image search it or, better yet, ask your partner to show you where it is. Then have at it. Kiss it, suck it, massage it, vibrate it, breathe on it. Lick it long and slow with your whole tongue and diddle it with just the tip.
Pay attention to how she reacts, and if she reacts positively (positive words, heavy breathing, grinding against your fingers), then keep doing it. “OMG YES THAT’S AWESOME YES YES YESSS” does not translate to, “Please do it harder and faster and add another finger.” Think about it: When we masturbate, do we suddenly change what we’re doing right as we’re about to orgasm? Probably not—unless we’re deliberately seeking to delay orgasm.
Penetration can also stimulate the internal structures of the clitoris, as well as the G-spot, which is on the anterior surface of the vagina one to three inches inside. Insert one or two fingers, palm up, and make a “come hither” motion towards you. You might feel a difference in the texture of the vaginal wall in that area. Keep in mind that some people love to have their G-spots stimulated; it makes others feel like they have to pee.
Continued stimulation might help your partner ejaculate with orgasm. Female ejaculation is the expulsion of anywhere from a few drops to a full load of ladycum with orgasm. It is totally normal and awesome. Not all women ejaculate, which is also totally normal and awesome.
Especially if penetration is involved (but even if it is not), make sure your partner is wet. Use your tongue or some lube for additional oomph in this department. Ask which body parts/toys are okay to use for penetration, and put a condom on it if necessary. Couple penetration with clitoral stimulation for maximum impact.
The anus is another pleasure zone that is conveniently located just a couple inches posterior to the vaginal opening. Anal stimulation, via a finger, tongue, butt plug or other toy can bring some people to orgasm by itself. It can also intensify other kinds of stimulation when added to the equation. Use lots of lube, and go slow; no need to start with the ultramegathunder dildo. A pinky finger will do just fine.
Finally, regardless of our partner’s sexual anatomy, it’s important not to limit ourselves to tips we read in a sex column. Try new things. Ask what your partner likes or wants to try. Seek out other erogenous zones and ways to stimulate all five senses. Check in with your partner afterwards to make sure all is well. While orgasm is often a key part of sexual satisfaction, it doesn’t exist in a vacuum; before, during and after can be equally important.
Want more tips? Send Erica an e-mail at sex@dailycardinal.com.
