Erica,
My question is about orgasms. I orgasm regularly when I masturbate or when my boyfriend fingers me or gives me oral, and sometimes I orgasm during sex. The thing is that it usually takes me a lot longer than my boyfriend. What I would like to know is if there is any way that I could cum faster so that we could cum together during intercourse. He is great about making sure that I have an orgasm if he cums before I do, but it would be great if we could finish together. (I am a girl, just fyi.)
—Slowpoke
Yes, yes, YES!
Slowpoke, I have so many tips for you that I’m going to spend two columns on your email. Not only do I have a ton of ideas, but also, I think you’re asking two questions: how to orgasm more quickly, and how to orgasm at the same time as your partner. In your case, they’re related, but really they’re distinct questions. Today, I’ll focus on the first one: how to have an orgasm more quickly and reliably during penetration. Next week, we’ll talk about syncing your orgasm clock with your partner’s.
First, if you want to get off more quickly during intercourse, try having an orgasm prior to penetration. Male-bodied people usually have what’s called a refractory period after orgasm. The penis goes soft and is physically incapable of getting hard again for a few minutes to a few hours. Most female-bodied people have no such refractory period, or it is very short—on the order of seconds to minutes.
Ergo, it’s generally easier for women to have multiple orgasms, and the second generally comes more quickly than the first. Prime yourself by having a first orgasm via manual or self-stimulation (I know, awesome, right?).
If one trip over the edge leaves you without motivation to climb to the top again, then get good and worked up before any penetration starts. Sure, your partner is faster, but if you get a good head start, then maybe you can cross the finish line together.
You can also incorporate things that more reliably give you orgasms into the act of penetration, i.e. use fingers or toys while your boyfriend is inside you. Try a cock ring with an appendage. Garden-variety cock rings can be spruced up with bullet vibrators or textured nubbins to give extra stimulation to the receptive partner during penetration.
If you’re looking for a more direct approach, position yourself for easy access. Reverse cowgirl gives you two free hands, and your boyfriend can also get in on the action if his arms are long enough. Or try doggy style, and have your partner reach around your hips; you can also support yourself with one arm and reach back to touch yourself.
Another option, though one that’s limited by height, is to lie on your back with your butt at the edge of the bed, and have your partner stand while penetrating you. Let your legs drape over the edge of the bed, or rest them on your partner’s shoulders. Both your hands and your partner’s hands are free to do whatever they may.
Spooning is also good. In the spooning position with your boyfriend as big spoon, he enters you from behind. Your ladybits will be even more accessible if you throw your top leg back over your partner’s hips (bend your knee and rest the sole of your foot on the bed). You can also scooch your butt over a little bit to lie on your back. Bring both of your legs over his hips while he continues to lie on his side.
Don’t forget, all of these positions can be used for anal penetration just as easily as vaginal penetration. Also, while I’ve been saying “boyfriend” throughout due to this letter-writer’s particular situation, two partners of any gender can utilize these positions for penetration with penises, dildos, or double dildos.
There you have it, Slowpoke—a few tips to get you where you want to go just a little bit faster. Stay tuned next week for more ideas on having orgasms together with your partner. Ready, set, go!
Can’t wait for more orgasmically awesome tips? E-mail Erica at sex@dailycardinal.com.
