Madison Mayor Paul Soglin announced Wednesday he would be canceling the traditional Mifflin party on West Mifflin St. this year to be replaced with “a quiet no-stress day” where he could “Mifflin all he wanted inside.”
In a press conference, he described he was “partied out” and wanted to curl up on the couch with some Alka-Seltzer in his boxers.
Information Soglin told his secretary, his cats and his two ferrets, Abner and Erma, was released to the public after filing an open-records request.
“When I was young, I Mifflined for a reason. I Mifflined to fight the power. Now these kids don’t know why they’re Mifflining. I don’t want to destroy Mifflin but just emphasize kids can Mifflin as much as they want in their own homes, in front of their television sets even, in their bathrooms, in their roommates bed, or watch others Mifflining on the Interweb,” he told them.
By press time, no alders were available for comment because they were out Mifflining. Abner also did not return a request for a comment.
In addition to Soglin’s new fight on Mifflin, he announced March 30 to be Facial Hair Recognition Day, where city officials who have kept the same facial clippings for over ten years will receive a cash prize and a coupon to Denny’s.
“Facial hair plays an important role in our lives, and it’s about time we started acknowledging it,” Soglin said, while stroking his moustache.
