The voice of the stop light on the corner of University and Park, known for alerting pedestrians that it is safe to cross Park Street, has been suspended until further notice after several incidents that have occurred during the past few days.
The voice had—up until recently—only said that “the walk sign is on to cross Park”. Since last Monday, however, numerous people reported to have heard him insulting those around him and yelling obscenities at people who didn’t cross the intersection on time.
The victims of his rants include a freshman who still didn’t know where his classes were, as well as a group of coasties who were afraid to cross Park because the snow drifts on the opposite sidewalk were, according to one of them, “like, supes big and scary OMGZ!”
The voice was also overheard ranting on Wednesday for nearly 15 minutes about a large group of hipsters coming from the Humanities building, all who refused to use the crosswalk like almost everyone else around them.
The final straw that resulted in the suspension of the Park Street voice was Thursday night when he told a drunk sorority girl to walk into oncoming traffic.
“I’m not trying to be a dick, but I need some variety in my script,” said the voice, who in a recent interview claimed his name is actually Dave. “Nobody’s able to appreciate my natural eloquence and silky yet articulate tone if I only get to say the same eight words over and over.”
University officials have not decided on the future of Dave the voice at press time. For the time being, Peter, the voice of the Route 80 bus who calls out the names of stops as they’re being approached, has taken time off from his regular position to act as a temporary replacement for Dave.
