Dear Alex,
I am in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend who lives out of state. We only get to see each other two to three times a year and I’m getting sick of it. I’m okay with not seeing him, but I absolutely cannot go another second without getting laid. I need your help! Please!
The Sexless Wonder
Dear SW,
Do not fret! There are many ways to get around this issue as long as you keep an open mind. In fact, you should feel lucky that the relationship in which you find yourself is occurring during the tech-no-lo-gic-al era! With nearly full cell phone coverage continentally and the world wide interwebs, you and your BF have a zillion options!
Well, maybe I’m exaggerating a little when I say a zillion, but you’re still better off than Esther and Ira were in the late 1940’s when he went to college while her mother taught her how to be a good housewife. Count your blessings!
But I digress. Your options are Skype (or FaceTime, etc., I don’t care) sex or phone sex. The latter of the two is simpler just because you can forget worrying about feeling at all self-conscious with your far away beau. During phone sex, your partner and you touch yourselves and describe the feelings and sensations you each experience. Hearing each other’s voices while you get yourself off can be very steamy, especially if you are willing to be adventurous and try some dirty talk. For example, say to your partner, “I wish you were here to blankety blank blank but I guess I can handle it myself.” Wink at the end for added affect (I know your significant other can’t see it, but hey, it should make you feel super hot!).
Those sort of verbal cues, along with some well-timed moans and gasps should do the trick to get you both off. For extra spice, try downloading a porno that features an element you both enjoy. Watch it simultaneously if your computers can manage it, and see where the conversation goes. This simple thirty-minute phone call may recall your sanity! You know I had to.
If you’re comfortable taking it one step further, plan a Skype date with your partner and maybe do strip teases for each other before getting on your goodie bits. The added visual of your partner naked and touching his/her favorite play parts can please your eyes, your brain and of course your genitalia. Great news all around! Just remember, as you Skype, continue talking to each other to keep those five senses a-working.
Now, there are some who believe my prescribed methods can be awkward, uncomfortable or just unsexy. Media-mutual masterbation techniques are cuh-razy fun, but if you are part of the group less inclined to share your naked self on the compooter, there may be a more serious something to bring up with your partner.
Each relationship is different, and for some couples who physically cannot be together it is possible that an open relationship is something to think about. Open relationships require a very large amount of trust in your partner; trust that they will stay safe during their allotted sexcapades, trust that they won’t fall for anyone else they’re feeding the jukebox with, trust that they will not get tired of communicating with you when they can easily bump uglies and not communicate with others. Lots and lots of trust.
That being said, being in an open relationship is much more difficult than it seems. Many people decide that it’s the right choice for them, and soon enough, they are making their partner tell them what and with whom they have messed around with. I’m not saying that couples have to keep secrets, nor that they should tell each other everything, however it is of the utmost importance for people to know how they react to jealousy and other complex emotions before deciding to let each other off the hook.
Give it some thought, Badgers, and let me know your reactions, sex tips and questions by emailing me at sex@dailycardinal.com. In the meantime, go get lucky, Bucky!
