Weeks after an explosion destroyed two homes in Indianapolis, investigators have determined that the blast was caused by an overabundance of Midwestern cheerfulness and good vibes.
“We see a lot of flare ups at this time of year,” said Ray Hoosiersman, spokesperson for the Indianapolis Police Department. “Basketball season has just started, it’s the holidays, ornery dads around the region are finally letting people put the heat on during the day. It’s a really dangerous time for over-vibing. People get way too copacetic and things just combust.”
The devastating results of the incident led to a tightening of regulations on organic food sales, feel-good movie marathons, catching snowflakes and other high-risk behaviors across the Midwest in cities prone to near-Indianapolis levels of happiness.
Madison police see the city as an area of particular concern due to its far-out ambience and this way-cool empanada place this one guy’s cousin ate at one time.
“We just want to warn people to really tone down their groove for the next few weeks until the peak danger period has passed,” said police spokesperson Joel DeSpain. “We just need to wait out the storm until the holidays end and everyone goes back to being all moody and depressed all the time.”
