Just as many people who partook in the Pepsi Challenge back in the day to see whether they could distinguish between the world’s two foremost colas, American citizens partook in the presidential election a few weeks back to decipher between two candidates whose political views may or may not be apparent to them. Often in life, people believe that they prefer one thing to another and hold steadfast in their perspective that they know that certain thing really, really well. However, after further investigation, their prior views are often reduced to absurdity.
With that said, there also exist a plethora of disjunctions that are clear as day, and one option is blatantly superior to the other. I will highlight some of those very debates.
Soda vs. pop vs. coke
After attending school at UW-Madison for no more than a week, it is inevitable that freshmen encounter foreign terms for soft drinks. The third party candidate here, coke, need not really enter into this conversation. It is transparent that it just sounds utterly gratuitous to order a coke at a restaurant and have the waitress ask “What kind?” and from there go on to answer “root beer,” or even more bewildering “Pepsi.” OK, coke is out of the equation.
Soda vs. Pop: Here comes the moment of truth. Soda, like Coke, is another form of beverage. The term soda also connotes a type of flavorless carbonated water. By asking for soda, one must then specify that he or she indeed wants soda pop and not soda water. Another, albeit weaker, argument for the “pop campaign” is that a can of the soft drink in question goes “pop” and not “soda” when you crack it open. So why not just call it “pop” people? It makes SO MUCH more sense. And for those that are bi-partisan, the term “sodapop” is completely dated and will make you sound like you live in 1953 if you put the term to use. It is one or the other, and pop is indeed the way to go.
Bubbler vs.
drinking fountain
During the first week of freshman year, I was hanging out in my friend’s dorm room with a bunch of fellow floor-mates, when to my surprise, someone asked “Where is the bubbler on the floor?” I was baffled. For those unfamiliar with stoner lingo, a bubbler is a small bong. Of course, my floor mate was unfamiliar with that term, and I myself was unfamiliar with what he indeed sought after, a drinking fountain. Immediately following his probe, I wondered why in hell Witte Hall would sponsor a public bong. It was only after comprehending his intended meaning that I realized that the term “drinking fountain” was not universally employed, and moreover, I realized that it should be. Besides the fact that bubbler is most definitely an equivocal term, the liquid that comes out of the fountain in question is not the aforementioned soda water, nor is it seltzer, nor is it tonic. This is to say that bubbles are conspicuously absent, and the term bubbler therefore makes no sense.
Chipotle vs. Qdoba:
This should be the least controversial of all of the stipulated disputes. I will begin this debate by outlining Qdoba’s one saving grace, namely that they are open later than Chipotle. If you really, really want something that is kinda sorta similar to Chipotle, although on a much, much lower tier of culinary experiences, then fine, get Qdoba. Some people also possess an affinity for Qdoba’s queso dip, but I believe that to be a negligible factor. Chipotle, as opposed to Qdoba, has far superior ingredients, the option of brown rice, complimentary veggies (they actually make you shell out cold, hard cash for vegetables at Doba), the best guacamole around, and an array of Mexican beers for those who like an ice cold cervesa with their burrito.
Chipotle is also definitely the less expensive option. I don’t always eat Mexican fast food, but when I do, I prefer Chipotle.
So mad about what Zac said you need to take a sip from your bubbler? Tell him at zpestine@wisc.edu.
