The Associated Students of Madison have released a statement with results of their most recent obnoxious email-clogging survey suggesting UW-Madison students remain ignorant of developing tensions in the Middle East.
The survey, which included a breadth of demographics ranging from “freshman who didn’t know you’re allowed to delete those emails” to “people trying to sleep with members of ASM,” asked respondents to answer the question: “Where is Iran?”
The most common responses to the question included: “I think that’s that little one over by Afghanistan,” “No idea, but I know all the words to the SNL Digital Short about it,” and “Dude, I’m pretty sure it’s spelled I-R-A-Q.”
ASM had no comment regarding these bleak results, but UW geography professor Trudy Ages’ thought they boded ill for the future of our nation.
“It is a disgrace that students cannot locate Iran,” she said in a departmental memo on the topic. “Pretty soon we’re going to be nothing but a nation of Twitsters and Instagrammists.”
