A group of students gathered atop Bascom Hill Thursday to protest Valentine’s Day.
The mob, clad in all black, marched in a circle directly in front of Bascom Hall holding signs with messages including “Who needs love when I have food?” and “My shirt matches my heart.”
The group was approached by many loving couples questioning why they were so against the holiday meant for affection. Many TAs also attempted to calm them by giving candy, which quickly turned sour.
In response, the mass turned violent and began chucking the candy at all who approached them.
Passersby, some of whom were simply trying to get to class, reported being harassed with loud chants of “We don’t need no Valentine’s!”
The protest finally ended when Madison police broke up the group by threatening to force affection and holiday spirit upon them. When the herd began throwing its collection of candy at police, the officers surrounded the group, grabbing hands and hugging them into a loving circle until they calmed down.
When asked about the incident, one member of the protest commented, “I honestly only showed up because I knew people would feel bad and give me free candy. I had no idea I was going to be hugged by a police officer.”
The group was escorted off of the hill in a hand-holding line. Students intending to press charges for candy injuries can feel free to go pick up the leftovers from the front steps of Bascom Hall.
Many students are worried about the mob showing up again next Monday on President’s Day, but the UW Police Department have issued a statement saying they are well prepared for any anti-presidential sentiments that may arise.
