Sex is defined differently for each individual; some people consider oral and anal penetration as intercourse, there are those who see kinky play (sometimes without genital touching) as sex, while others strictly see vaginal penetration as fornication. And that’s a good thing! We can all choose the definitions that work best for us.
No matter our definition, there are people who choose to abstain from certain activities, or whatever their definition of “sex” might be. We may choose to engage in everything but penetrative sexual intercourse. We might be saving certain acts for a special someone or spouse. And we might even want to abstain from sexual activity altogether.
The choice to abstain from different sexual activities is something everyone has the right to decide for themselves. Although it may seem inconvenient at times, there are a lot of options available provided we still want to get it on. Here are some tips to get it on without getting it in!
Rule #1: No Penetration (e.g. vaginal, anal intercourse)
Everybody talks about intercourse, but outercourse is rarely discussed by college students. Also known as dry humping, outercourse is just like intercourse... plus clothes but minus penetration. Dry humping can include rubbing our partner’s goodie bits against our own, or can be as involved as getting into different sexual positions and thrusting our bodies into our parnters’.
The good fricition provided by dry humping (as long as nobody is wearing pants made of chicken-wire) can be used as sexy foreplay for all couples but can certainly be part of the main event for those abstaining from penetration or people who want to take a night “off” from their normal routine. A position to try is the receptive partner lying on their belly, legs together, and insertive partner laying on top of them, hips aligned but straddling the receptive partner’s closed legs. Gets ‘em every time.
Rule #2: No Oral
Many couples are comfortable foregoing oral sex completely or sometimes one partner is just not into it. Don’t fret, dear readers, there are several simple solutions at hand.
Other than our genitalia, our highest concentration of nerve endings are located in our lips and fingertips. So if we’re not comfortable “essing” our partner’s “dee,” we can just suck on their fingers! To amp up the heat, try employing hand job skills to the rhythm of finger sucking. By doing so, we can almost create the same sensation that their brain would perceive if we were really going down on them. The dual stimulation might overwhelm our partner in the best way.
Another way to allow our partners to feel like we’re going down on them, or at least like their pants are a little too tight, is by using their tongue as your phallic organ of choice. If we suck on our partner’s tongue like we would their penis, we can create an incredibly teasing pleasure that will up the anticipation for whatever sexual act we decide on doing next.
For female bodies, we can use the hands in a similar way that we did in the first solution. Stimulating the area between fingers with our tongue can send sexy response signals to the brain. Just like it does with male bodies, the sensations in our partner’s hands will work with their brain to turn them on. Similar to the “blow job” simulation above, if we play with our partner’s genetalia manually—either by fingering, clit-rubbing or a hot combination of the two—while we orally work her fingers, we can let her brain interpret the dual sensation.
Such simulations are easy to do and span all sexual acts. We can use the same method of dual stimulation for ass licking: By clenching our partner’s hand into a fist, we can lick around the rim of the space between their forefinger and thumb and even sneak our tongue into the space between their curled fingers and palm. If we enhance the experience by using our hands on their butthole, it’ll feel just like a good rim job. The brain is MVP of sexytimes.
Rule #3: Just Making Out
Although it seems unrealistic in popular culture perceptions of college life, in the real world many people aren’t comfortable “going past” kissing until they’re committed to a partner or in a long-term relationship. Luckily there are several ways to use our bodies that can be a big turn-on and an intimacy builder.
Something that many of us—including those who consider themselves sexually active—forget to do is explore the bodies of our partners outside the context of “sex.” Although grabbing our partner’s package or boobs can be really exciting, it is important to remember touching their ears, elbows and even ankles can be just as important in getting to know them and building trust. For those only comfortable with making out, this option can be one to utilize whether we’re kissing or not.
A slight variation on the above is giving our partner a sweet and sexy massage. For how-to information, the Sex Out Loud office library has a spanking-new book students can check out for two weeks. A Woman’s Touch is chock-full of similar information and sensual massage lotions—check it out and take advantage!
Remember, even if we’re not abstaining from any sexual activities, the above tips and tricks are fo’ free for everyone to use. If we’re falling into a routine, we can mix it up instead by kissing longer or using our hands in new ways.
Want to learn more? Email sex@dailycardinal.com for Alex’s answers to any questions or clarifications.
