National news has been quite active for the last week-plus, and for the most part, I think the media outlets did a commendable job with their coverage—with the notable exception of CNN, which has covered the Boston bombing with all the delicateness of a monkey tossing around its own feces. I can’t help but preemptively cringe while the cable networks take the time to politicize the bombings in the dumbest ways possible. “You know,” some fool on MSNBC will say, “This wouldn’t have happened if our country had stricter immigration laws.” While we could be celebrating the resilient human spirit in the face of such tragedy, leave it to some talking head on cable to try and divide the nation five minutes later.
Movie from your childhood that kicks ass
“Big Daddy” (1999)—OK, I guess this movie actually kind of sucks, but when you’re eight years old there’s nothing funnier than Rob Schneider portraying a foreign delivery man who can’t pronounce “hippopotamus.” Interestingly enough, the actors who play Adam Sandler’s son Julian in this film are the same kids who went on to play the titular characters in the Disney Channel series “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody,” which I think was the show that marked my exodus from Disney Channel. Ever turn on Disney Channel lately? It’s crap. On a whim, I watched this show called “Shake It Up” and couldn’t make it through the teaser without wanting to dropkick a small child. Bring back “Even Stevens” or GTFO, Disney Channel.
First-World Hate of the week
This week’s hate is reserved for Internet Explorer. For some reason, my Chrome wasn’t working the other day, so I had to use Explorer for what had to be the first time in years. After clicking on the icon and waiting decades for the browser to open, I was floored by how shitty it was. I felt like I was going to have 400 viruses physically come out of the computer to choke me out. It’s kind of amazing how much the Internet has advanced in the last five or 10 years to the point that a browser like Explorer can be considered antiquated and cumbersome to use. This will be an actual conversation between our generation and our grandkids 60 years from now: “You think you kids have it tough today? When I was your age, I only had dial-up Internet! That was a tough goddamn life.” God, I can’t wait to be a condescending old man.
Song that Never Fails to fire me up
“Kryptonite” (3 Doors Down, 2000)—PB&J Uncrustables. Holographic Charizard cards. Fucking Go-Gurt. Yes, these were the heady times of third grade, and when “Kryptonite” vaulted up the charts in April 2000, boy did that ever nail down our demographic. Back then, my bus driver used to play an alternative rock station on the afternoon ride home, and whenever this song would come on, all of us kids would stop drawing dicks on the window for a second and communally rock out. It was quite the transcendent experience. About a year or two later, there began a heated debate (that now seems laughably dated) amongst my classmates over which was the better band: 3 Doors Down or Good Charlotte? It was a worthy debate to be sure, but all I needed was to hear “Kryptonite” again to know where I stood. Good Charlotte can eat a bag of asses.
Unedited moronic facebook status from a kid from my high school
“i am how i am and there ant no changin tat so step back or i’ll lay u flat and have u restin in a pine box.”
I believe this kid actually got in a fight in high school once. From what I recall, he got his ass kicked.
Adam would love to hear the song that never fails to fire you up. Email him at awolf3@wisc.edu to give him an earful.
