Deer Cardinal,
I like to go to the gym in between classes. I don’t have time to shower after I work out though, so sometimes I end up showing up to class with really bad BO. I could get to the SERF a little earlier, but I really prefer sleeping in before my noon lecture. Anyhow, I feel kind of self-conscious when I show up to class and smell bad, especially since I have the class with some new friends and sit next to this girl I really like. Considering I don’t want to rearrange my schedule, what should I do?
—Ralph R.
Deer Ratchet Ralph,
Whew! That stench sure is strong, Ralphy Boy. Your letter smelled like straight-up stank. Like, I almost ralphed (get it!) just picking up your letter. Can people even get near you?
Anyhow, don’t be self-conscious. Speaking from the heart, friend, let me tell you: Part of college is about finding yourself and accepting who you are. If you’re comfortable with your own smell, then it’s not your problem if others can’t get on your level. Your real friends will love you for who you are.
But if you’re really pressed about masking the odor, I’d say just buy some cheap body spray. You might end up smelling like a middle school locker room, but like I said, don’t be self-conscious.
If you dig accessories, you could hang one of those pine tree car air fresheners around your neck too. It’s a little out there, but like many things, it’ll work if you wear it with confidence—chicks dig a man with confidence.
Good luck with your nasty rank and finding out who your real friends are!
Deer Cardinal,
I think the refs made the right call in the ASU game. How do I convince my fellow Badgers I’m right?
—Tara B.
Deer Terrible Tara,
If I were to see you walking under me while I was flying, I might poop on you. Best wishes, though.
Send your questions to the Deer Cardinal’s nest because birds don’t use email. Duh.
