This morning, seconds before the bell rang, three Arizona State University defensive linemen jumped on top of their Physics tests in a last ditch effort to prevent their inevitable failure.
This action, which clearly falls under the purview of a ‘delay of class’ penalty, normally results in further points being taken off of their scores. However, in a confusing move, Academic Officials from the PAC-12 intervened in the end of the class period and did not allow the instructor to collect their tests. As the bell rang, the officials automatically awarded all three players perfect scores, offering no explanation to members of the Physics Department Staff.
“I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years as an educator,” said the Physics Department Chair Peter Bennett at a press conference later that day. “I mean, we all remember the mistakes that resulted from the Scantron Strike of 2012, but this is on a different level all together.”
Bennett is of course referring to the scandal that rocked the professional academic world last year when Scantron machines went on strike and were temporarily replaced with inferior grading devices: the most recognizable of these errors being the infamous ‘Fail-Mary Essay’ produced by a Seattle student.
Members of the PAC-12 Academic Officials staff are expected to examine film of the test tomorrow, but little to nothing can be done to rectify the situation at this point.
“The exams are in the grade book,” said the Commissioner of the PAC-12 Larry Scott. Scott later revealed his true feelings about the story, saying “It’s a shame to see a test end like that and it saddens me to know that PAC-12 officials were the ones responsible. We will take every step in our power to rectify this situation, besides changing the players’ scores.”
Members of the Physics Department have gone on record saying the tests are upsetting, but they are doing what they can to move on and prepare for the challenge that finals week will present.
