Last Sunday night, University of Wisconsin-Madison student Greg Jones went out to dinner with his grandmother, Martha Jones.
Sources say the two seemed to have a “splendid time” talking about Jones’ experiences at school. The dinner ended quickly and Jones was dropped off at Witte Hall while Grandma Jones returned to her home in Middleton.
“He’s just such a great young man,” Grandma Jones said. “I’ve never met someone so handsome, hardworking and intelligent. He’s bound for great things, let me tell you. That one could be a lawyer, a writer or even a governor. I could even see a Nobel Prize in his future.”
At the time, Grandma Jones was preparing a care package for her so-called innocent grandson.
Unfortunately, Grandma Jones could not be more wrong about her grandson, or "G-Dawg" as he has dubbed himself.
Jones attends class on a startlingly sporadic basis, using most of his time to “pown noobs” on the popular "Call of Duty" series of video games. He survives on a diet that primarily consists of Cheez-Its, hot dogs and energy drinks while also managing to only shower once a week.
When asked about his roommates’ future potential for greatness, Kyle Kooligan gave an analysis quite opposite to the one provided by Grandma Jones.
“He’ll end up working at a gas station to pay for a downtrodden studio apartment and 12 bags of Cheetos a week,” Kooligan said. “Least then he won’t eat all my food and keep me up while he screams at the TV at four in the morning. Hate that guy.”
When asked about Jones' chances of receiving a Nobel Prize or becoming governor, Kooligan only laughed.
How Gregory managed to fool Grandma Martha remains a mystery.
Some sources believe it to be the result of a deception executed by Jones. However, the idea of such an inept human being capable of such a scheme seems unlikely.
More likely, Grandma Jones has descended into a delusional world rather than accepting the truth about her grandson.
