People say long distance relationships (LDR) never work. Maybe it is true that many are doomed but I can personally say long distance can totally work. So if you are in a relationship and about to graduate, study abroad, move to a new city for graduate school or a job, there is hope! I have statistics and personal experience to back my claim up.
If your horizon includes a LDR you should know you are not alone. About 14 million people in the United States consider themselves to be in LDR. The average LDR spans across 125 miles. That means it is pretty easy to keep to the average 1.5 visits per month.
Plenty of LDR are long term. 75 percent of engaged couples have been long distance at one point. Ten percent of marriages in the United States started as LDR. Long distance is not just for people on their way down the aisle, either. Almost one —third of college relationships are considered long distance.
Those statistics are uplifting, but they do not really elaborate on how to make long distance work. There are a couple things that make long distance, if not perfect, doable until you and your loved one can be together again.
My number one tip for long distance can be summed up in one word: plan. Luckily, when my boyfriend and I started dating we always knew he would go to graduate school. That gave us about a year to figure out whether we could handle long distance, whether we thought our relationship was worth the stress of long distance, and how we would manage the change in our relationship. Make no mistake, it is stressful. There are ways to counteract the stress, though.
Have a conversation before the separation about how and when the two of you will communicate during the distance. My boyfriend and I decided that texting every day is a must, calling at any time is acceptable even for a short conversation, and Skype every once in a while is an awesome way to feel close to one another. We even have a continuous game of Words with Friends now, which is fun and something we can do together.
Doing things together is important too. This can be as elaborate as you want it to be. For example, my boyfriend and I have watched the same movie on Netflix at the same time, gone to see the same movie at a theater, and it is important to him that I watch some football on the weekend. I managed to watch the whole Super Bowl this weekend and could even converse with him about parts of the game. It was a victory for the Seahawks and a victory for my LDR. Communicating day to day and doing things together are great short term plans and they make a huge difference in your relationship survival.
If an LDR is to fail, the average one fails within four and a half months. That means I am officially out of the woods, and now I need to start making a long—term—plan. Long term plans are important for ending the long distance part of your relationship. It is significantly more difficult to maintain a LDR when there is no end in sight. If you have to be apart, it makes it easier to strategize for a future and think of a time when you can live closer each other.
I plan to move out of Wisconsin after I graduate to get a job in my boyfriend’s city to be with him. That is a hard decision. Maybe you are like me and your entire family is here in Wisconsin, all of my friends are here too, and it will be difficult to move. I made the decision that my relationship is worth the change, and anyone in a LDR must make the same decision. Planning and communicating are the most important things to do once you are in a LDR.
If you are faced with a LDR there are a couple things you should not do. Do not stay together just because you do not want to deal with a break up. Don’t think you’ll be together forever? Don’t bother. Prolonging the break is just stressful and distracting. Have a beautiful last day together and if things are meant to be, you’ll be together again.
Do not cheat. That should go without saying, but I am saying it anyway. Do not use any kind of “I have needs” line. No one cares. If you love someone enough to deal with long distance, you love them enough not to hop into bed with someone else. Don’t spend too much time feeling unsure. If I felt unsure, I would not move out of Wisconsin.
Long distance is possible. It takes an enormous amount of effort, it is not always fun, but if you want a future together sometimes you need to deal with time apart.
How do you feel about long distance relationships?Are you in one? Are they possible or are they destined for automatic failure? Please send all of your feedback to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
