Dear Dirty Bird,
Simple question: What’s the BEST sex position!? There has got to be one that is going to get my partner off every time, and I need to know what it is.
This is probably the most common question for sex educators, ever, without a doubt! People are really into knowing the best sex position, and apparently the idea has spread that there is one position built for all people, regardless of body type, kinks, sexuality, etc. Unfortunately, this is far from true. In fact, every individual will find certain positions are best for them and may even change depending on whether they’re the receptive or insertive partner, the orifice being penetrated and our partner’s likes, dislikes and abilities. Fortunately, there are ways to work around this and figure out how to take what we have and find a position that is BEST for us at any particular time with any particular partner.
Sex positions can be broken down into a pretty basic formula with four or five base positions, which we can modify as we go into a myriad of new options. You know the 750 new sex positions “Cosmopolitan” announces on every new issue? Those are all based off the base positions I’ll outline below.
There are a few caveats and terms to go over though. The first and most important is any couple can successfully bang using any position. It doesn’t matter if the penetrative partner has a penis or a dildo, or whether it’s an anus or vagina getting filled; people of all body types can perform all positions. The terms are insertive/receptive partner(s) or top/bottom. These two sets mean the same things, but are sometimes used in different contexts. The partner who is the insertive partner, or top, is the person who is penetrating the other parter and the receptive partner equates to bottom. The terms top/bottom are often used exclusively within the queer community, but for the sake of simplicity, I’ll be using them here instead of insertive/receptive partner(s).
The four categories of base positions are missionary, rear entry, side entry and receptive partner (bottom) on top. If we can learn these and what type of sensations they create, we can modify them in so many ways as to make positions of our own.
Missionary position is kind of like the go-to sex position in our society. I say this because in a lot of non-Western societies, the go-to position is rear entry. But I’ll get to that in a second. The missionary position was actually the position considered by Christian missionaries to be the most appropriate way to have sex, which we all know is subjective. The position is performed with the bottom lying on their back and the top lying over them face-to-face. This position can run the gamut from super intimate to intense, hard sex. Being face-to-face allows partners the benefit of eye contact and they can easily kiss each other or hug. The position of the top and bottom though also allows for slow and deep or fast and hard penetration.
The rear entry position (or doggy style), which many people use as a go-to position is when the top enters from the rear while the bottom kneels facing away. This is a very carnal position and although it can be performed deep and slow, it really facilitates faster or more intense penetration. It is not as intimate, because there is less face-to-face contact and probably little ability to kiss, but it does facilitate rough sex and things like hair pulling, holding onto the bottom’s waist for control and even reaching around the bottom’s torso to play with their genitalia or the front of their bottom. It can also make it easy to spank our bottoms during sex.
Then we have receptive partner on top, this is when the bottom partner rides the top, or as many people like to call it, cowgirl or cowboy. I’m just going to call it riding because we all get what that is and it doesn’t force anybody to be explicitly a boy or girl. Anyhow, this is a super fun position. It allows for deep penetration and a lot of hip work, maybe even some twerking. And, it can be easily reversed to totally change up the types of sensations we experience. This is also a really great position if the bottom is feeling like they want more control or for first time sex. The bottom is in total control of the depth, speed and intensity of penetration on this one.
And finally we have side entry. This is going to a great position if we’re looking for something really intimate. It’s spooning banging! Because we’re lying on our sides in this position, getting really fast and intense penetration might be a little more difficult. But that’s not a problem, because this allows for intimate sex when we can easily embrace our partner. Reaching around and playing with genitalia is super easy for the top in this position, as well as whispering sweet nothings into our partner’s ear.
So next time you’re getting it on, think about this nifty piece to explore new sex positions. Put a pillow somewhere, move an arm, raise a leg… or legs. Stick a third (or fourth… or fifth) person in for good measure. Tie somebody up, down or around and see what happens.
Email Michael at mpodgers@wisc.edu with questions about finding your perfect position.
