With a shift into reverse, a reach of his arm behind the passenger’s seat and a swivel of his head, local father Frank Humphrey assured his entire family Tuesday night that backing into the targeted parking spot would “pay off big time.”
What was set to be a casual family outing at Applebee’s turned into a showcase of heroics for the Humphrey patriarch, perched at the helm of the family van with more extravagant plans in mind.
“Personally, I don’t care for it when he does this,” wife Julie Humphrey told Cardinal reporters. “But, it just means so much to him. It’s nice to see some wind in his sails.”
The strategically calculated, veteran maneuver faced some initial criticism from the Humphrey offspring before Ellen, 17, and Peter, 15, relented to their father who so clearly needed a win, mumbling back a concession that they just wanted to get inside, eat dinner and get out of there.
“They’ll thank me later,” Mr. Humphrey told The Daily Cardinal. “I’ve been pulling this nifty trick a long, long time, and daddy don’t do it for nothin’. I couldn’t even offer a guess at how much time I’ve saved myself, my friends and my family over the years.”
The Daily Cardinal research team has concluded that Frank Humphrey has managed to spare approximately 11 minutes and 45 seconds total in his 25 years of practicing the Reverse Park Method.
At press time, riding high on the recent ego boost, Frank Humphrey was cracking jokes to an anxious waitress that garnered laughs from only himself.
