Dear Alex,
How do I last longer in bed? And how can I let myself enjoy the experience while I’m trying to last longer?
Thanks!
Premature ejaculation, or climaxing before we want to, is a situation many people battle throughout their lifetimes. According to the Mayo Clinic, about one in three men experience premature ejaculation some time in their life. In fact, the average time it takes for a male-bodied person to orgasm during intercourse is just under five minutes, which brings us to our first point.
Coming too soon is 100 percent completely normal. There is nothing “wrong” with a person who wishes they could last longer in bed, however there are solutions. Have them!
Go see the doctor.
Talking to a professional can help discern whether the thing causing our quick orgasms is physical or psychological. If our doctor thinks it is physical, they can recommend the best solutions. If they think it’s psychological, they can help us find the right person to talk to.
Go see a therapist.
Premature ejaculation can be very psychological. Understanding the reasons we’re quick to come can help us battle and eventually overcome them. Some people have sexual anxiety, which can stem from what they’ve been taught by family, school and/or religion. Trying to understand ourselves can allow us to focus on what to work on within ourselves.
Talk to our partner about it.
If our special someone has noticed or mentioned we are ejaculating too soon, we should have a productive conversation that allows each person to talk about what would make them feel more positively about the situation. Is it about pleasure, being self-conscious or even differing beliefs? Talk it out and try to find a solution that works for everyone.
Find toys and methods that help!
Special sex toys like cock rings are made to help people last longer in bed. Cock rings are available anywhere from A Woman’s Touch to Target and can be made out of almost anything! Metal, plastic, elastic, leather! We can even use run o’ the mill hair ties. We should definitely stick to elastic and leather to start with (in case they’re too tight or uncomfortable, we want something we can cut off) and maybe make a few practice runs before using with a partner.
We can also last longer by pulling out in the middle of intercourse and using our penis or fingers to keep our partners entertained while we’re taking a breather.
Practice, practice, practice!
If we’d like to prolong orgasm when we’re with our partner, we should try doing so while we masturbate. There’s this super cool amazing technique called “edging” that every person of all genders should try.
Edging is a method of bringing ourselves to the brink, or “edge,” of orgasm and not allowing ourselves to actually climax, either by thinking about something unsexy or ceasing physical stimulation. We can edge more than once in a single masturbation sesh, and when we do allow ourselves to orgasm it will be ALL POWERFUL wahoo! Edging can also help us last longer with a partner. How cool!
While we’re figuring out how to last longer, we can…
Engage in more foreplay!
If part of our predicament is pleasing our partner, all we have to do is ensure they’re satisfied before beginning intercourse. If we go down on our partner and tease them with fingers, dildos and/or vibrators, they likely won’t give a fuck if we orgasm more quickly than expected because they’ll already be so darn pleased.
Keep the party going!
If our partner is left less-than-satisfied after we’ve ejaculated, we should remember we don’t have to stop there. Fingers, tongues and toys can do the same for postplay that they can for foreplay.
The toy best suited for elongating intercourse is a cock extender. Cock extenders are hollow dildos that we can slip our hard or flaccid penis into and fuck our partner with. These are great for after-orgasm fun with our partners and may create a whole new sensation for everyone involved. Cock extenders range from $10 to $200, so do some research before investing.
Drink!
Believe it or not, we can use “whiskey dick” to our advantage. We don’t want to drink so much that we can’t give consent or stay completely flaccid, but finding the sweet spot that will allow us to stay hard for longer can be a super easy trick. Plus, everyone knows tipsy sex can be super fun and inhibited. Yum!
How to keep enjoying it.
It can be super easy to get caught up thinking about how to keep ourselves in the game during sex and can actually take away from our overall experience. To avoid focusing only on how long we last, we should spend some time before sex clearing our minds and relieving our anxieties.
Quickly meditating, with or without our partners, and thinking about all of our body parts can help us enjoy the full experience of sexual celebration. Attempting to be super present can help wash away anxiety of coming too soon.
Is Alex covering too many topics related to pleasure and happiness? Scold her by emailing sex@dailycardinal.com today!
