I’ve always been pretty average. I’m a white, middle-class male, maybe a little taller than most people. But I am special in one way. I’m one of the 10 percent of people in the world who are left handed, and let me tell you, it sucks. You know how Madonna said that she is a “Material Girl” living in a “material world?” Well, I’m a left-handed boy living in a right handed-world; we are the 10 percent.
First thing’s first, I would make a terrible teacher. Remember those things in high school called smart boards? Well, I couldn’t use one to save my life. As a left-handed individual, the way that your body stands in relation to the projector casts a shadow on the area where your hand would be writing. You effectively are writing blind. Writing on a chalkboard is even worse. After you write anything your hand drags right across your fresh ink, chalk or pencil lead and smudges whatever beautiful masterpiece you created.
Secondly, we live in a right-handed world. Things that right-handed people take for granted like scissors, sports equipment, musical instruments, can openers and more importantly corkscrews are all designed for right-handed people. My mother was an elementary school teacher, and this meant there was always crafting happening in the Weber household. Most children dread eating broccoli or doing homework. Me? I dreaded crafting because that usually meant cutting paper with a right handed scissors. To this day, it is still difficult to find a left-handed pair of scissors.
Third, college classes are the actual worst. Most lecture halls on the UW-Madison campus don’t even have left-handed desks, and the ones that do put them all on the aisle seats. You wouldn’t expect left-handed aisle seats to be a problem. However, if there is one thing that college students hate it’s the kid who is one of the first ones to get to class and chooses to sit in the aisle seat, because then you and everybody else has to walk past them to get to the middle of the aisle. With some of the looks that I have gotten you could swear that I did something as bad as yelling, “I hate Beyoncé” all over campus, which I haven’t done. I have also learned that if there is one thing that college students love, it’s to sit in the aisle seat whether they are left-handed or not. I understand why, there is more leg room, you get out of class quicker and you have easy access to the bathroom, but the next time you take a left-handed desk I want the song “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan to play in your head as you picture a left-handed student crammed into a right-handed desk, because that is an injustice.
Lastly, the absolute shock that I see on people’s faces when they finally find out that I am left-handed puts me on the same level as Bigfoot and the Yeti. This shock is usually followed by that person telling me about every single person they know who is left-handed, as if we are all in some secret club together, and clinching the conversation with the following phrase: “You know left-handed people die sooner, right?” Let me be clear on one thing, there is no scientific proof that I or any other left-handed person will die sooner than you just because we are left-handed. The only time that may be the case is if we starve to death trying to open a can of beans.
I by no means am saying that as a left-handed person I have it the worst. In some cultures, you are trained from youth to be right handed, and using your left hand is a cultural faux pas. I’m also not saying you can’t be successful in daily life. In the ranks of left-handers we have some of the greats like President Barack Obama, Paul McCartney and Bruce Willis. I’m simply asking that all you right-handed folk respect your left-handed comrades. Be patient with us when we try to use a can opener, leave that one left-handed desk in a lecture open and for the love of God don’t tell me I’m going to die sooner than you.
Cal is a sophomore majoring in political science and communication arts. Are you left-handed? Do you view being left-handed the same way he does? Are you right-handed and feel that his views are inaccurate? Please let us know what you think. Send all comments, questions and concerns to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
