Department store owner Casey Harlow released plans to renovate the store this holiday season to attract more Christmas-crazed shoppers.
The plan makes room for a “BYO Coat” aisle allowing customers to shop in the wintery outdoors and a tree-chopping aisle for guests to select and harvest their own tree, in-store.
The remodel would also bring in snow machines to coat every aisle in at least 2 inches of “holiday bliss.”
Every year consumers demand Christmas decorations earlier and with higher aesthetic expectations. Store owners like Harlow have been increasingly pressured to meet this demand. “This renovation will not only be huge, but also incredibly speedy,” Harlow says. “Obviously it’s our goal to have the store renovated for Christmas by the end of Thanksgiving season.”
To ensure fast, impressive success for her department store, Harlow gave a few of the additions test runs before installing them. “We’ve had a few good falls and a broken hip or two because of the reduced friction from the melting snow, but that’s nothing a few ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ signs can’t fix.”
Reporters did learn from Harlow’s employees, however, that the renovations are projected to bring in thousands of dollars in revenue for the department store. With their increased profits, Harlow’s employees plan to buy new Christmas caroling outfits “to help spread consumer angst, I mean Christmas cheer.”
