It is so easy to lose the purpose of living in this world—feeling confused on what I should be, or want to do. In third grade, I was walking home from school in the late afternoon, looking at the orange sunset spread over the sky, and I wondered, “Why was I born? How is this world structured?” I thought that in order to understand what I should be doing, I need to understand the purpose of this world, how it is made and what it is made for.
I have tried out many different methods. I prayed in churches, watched science documentaries, read books and observed the world outside the classroom windows. Ever since early childhood, I would just observe the world. Lying down on the grass, I would stare at the sky for hours, purposefully missing the bus and walking back from kindergarten for about an hour silently daydreaming. I still tend to do the exact same things from childhood and do not understand why. Perhaps that’s the way I am.
I often feel frustrated when I cannot express what I observe and think into words. How can I properly explain some phenomenon I just think up in my head? I see pictures and thoughts inside my head that I cannot drag out onto my tongue. When I write or speak spontaneously, I often mess up grammar or tedious matters because my head is filled with things that cannot be expressed. Such failure in being able to reflect comfortably what is in my mind contributes to sadness in my life. It is quite enjoyable to observe things, but also painful that I would often fall into depression when seeing the darkest things from the lightest imagination.
Perhaps I am the dumbest person for just thinking about useless things—I am not directly inventing or producing any beneficial improvements to humanity itself. If I were really smart, then I would have no trouble in expressing some brilliant thoughts. One thing I use to find the purpose of life is philosophy. Sure, philosophy no longer gives us direct skills to land jobs, but it is what I believe to be a companion to our sore feet in the journey of life.
My struggle can be explained in the words of Jean-Paul Sartre, “Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” Even though I have been struggling for a long time on what I should base my actions on and how I should live, I will never be able to indoctrinate a certain path. Philosophy offers a way to think and learn when the world comes to a harsh time. It allows me to feel and to think better with the words of others. It also sets a morality that cannot be explained fully in the other ways of the world, making people act more conscientiously because they are forced to think harder.
Why does it make it harder to think? Because this world has too many questions and too few answers. We constantly seek answers in different ways, so there is no singular path and, therefore, no single thread of thought. If we think harder, could it help us reach a path that fits the pursuit of life? I wouldn’t confidently say yes, because if it were true, then we would just succeed without any failure. Since we constantly face challenges even with appropriate preparation and thinking philosophy does not directly help us. Philosophy offers us a chance to think more about how to live our lives. If we think more deeply about it, perhaps it may fulfill us more.
After encountering some disappointments, I feel that actions are equally as valuable as the thinking process. Because of my highly introverted nature, I tend to avoid taking actions, oftentimes because I have trouble reflecting my will and therefore not wanting to do them. In finding out what a purpose in life may be, two things are needed: to think hard, to act hard. If you don’t act out, your thoughts will just rot in your head and stay unchanged, deprived of possibilities to yield something positively ethereal.
Hae Rin Lee is a sophomore majoring in history. Do you agree with her thoughts on philosophy? What do you turn to when you are looking for answers to life’s questions? Please send all comments and questions to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
