Mr. Alfred Manac
2142 Vilas Hall, 821 University Avenue, Madison, WI
almanac@dailycardinal.com | (608) 262-8000
Education
University of Wisconsin- Madison
Bachelor of Masters of Doctors of Science, best by: May 2018
Major: Geometry (Post-Euclidian)
Certificates for: Participation, Orange Peeling
Semi-Cumulative Self-Reported GPA: 4.0; Jimmy Dean’s List (3 Semesters)
Primary Qualifications
Standing vertical jump of 18 inches (45.72 centimeters)
Able to whistle every melody from Neil Diamond’s 1969 hit album Touching You, Touching Me
Over 10,000 neural pathways
Personable and outgoing
Lifelong connoisseur of fine Egyptian linens and canned beer
Criminal Exploits
Murder Convictions: 0 (.5)
Most Recent Felonies: Loitering, littering, laddering, liberding
No shoplifting convictions
Except for that one time
Please don’t tell
Family History
Grandmother was a strong German woman with a penchant for drinking and the strongest forearms east of Berlin
Grandfather was a sailing man
Descendent of Adam and/or Eve
Family tree is a Lodgepole Pine, family shrub is Witch Hazel
Spent childhood roaming the plains of the Blackfoot River in Montana, where I learned to fly fish and frolicked with all of God’s creatures. It was there that I found who I am and who I am not
Defining Physical Traits
Strong, broad shoulders created by advanced bionic processes
Adorable dimples
Peg leg that came as the result of a freak accident involving a pit bull, a farming combine and a pinball machine
Favorite Recipe: Twice Unbaked Potatoes
First, peel as many potatoes as you would like to eat for your meal
Second, save the skins (they will come in handy later)
Third, put the potatoes in the oven that you’ve preheated to room temperature. Be sure room temperature is no less than 350 degrees
Fourth, leave them there for a while. You’ll know when it’s time
Fifth, put the potatoes on a plate or a bowl or a platter
Sixth, put the peels back on
Seven, take off the peels and eat the potatoes, if you want to
Employment History
Bed Maker
Lawn Mower
Trash Taker Outer
