After further consideration, it has been decided that our Big Ten super team Michpenndianaowaland State will be disbanded. It was too beautiful for this world.
In the non-hypothetical world of Big Ten football, Michigan State fell to 2-4 with a loss to Northwestern, Illinois beat Rutgers in an unholy abomination of a game that should never be spoken of again and Purdue finally brought an end to the disastrous Darrell Hazell era. Also, a football game was apparently played in Madison.
With Ohio State and Michigan seemingly on a crash course to both be 11-0 when they meet in the last week of the regular season, it only seems right that they’re tied at the top of this week’s power rankings.
T1. Ohio State Buckeyes, 55 points
Urban Meyer’s Buckeyes simply won’t die on the road. With Ohio State’s overtime win at Camp Randall Stadium, Meyer joins “Father of American Football” Walter Camp—a guy who coached in the 19th century—as the only coaches to start a tenure at a school with 20 consecutive road wins. Barring any upsets in their next five games, the Buckeyes should be undefeated heading into their colossal showdown against archrival Michigan.
T1. Michigan Wolverines, 55 points
Michigan had a bye this past week, but nobody wins the bye week like Khaki Jesus. Now the Wolverines get to obliterate Illinois at home before traveling to East Lansing to enact their revenge on a subpar Michigan State team for certain punt block-related events from last season. Michigan doesn’t face another opponent that’s currently ranked until its regular-season finale against Ohio State.
3. Wisconsin Badgers, 40 points
The Badgers were unable to pull off the upset of No. 2 Ohio State last Saturday because we’re all alone in the universe and slowly hurdling toward the eventuality of the great unknown. The good news for the Badgers is that they’re still very much alive in the Big Ten West. If they win out and Nebraska drops another game—the best chance is when the Cornhuskers travel to Columbus to face Ohio State—Wisconsin will be headed to Indianapolis.
4. Nebraska Cornhuskers, 30 points
Mike Riley’s Cornhuskers haven’t been always winning pretty, but they’re winning nonetheless. Nebraska now sits at 6-0 and should move to 7-0 after a home matchup with Purdue this weekend. After that, things get a little trickier with back-to-back road games against Wisconsin and Ohio State. A win in either of those games would likely be all the Cornhuskers would need to ensure a Big Ten West title.
T5. Indiana Hoosiers, 7 points
The Hoosiers are one of three teams tied for fifth in this week’s rankings. Their current record of 3-3 may not be impressive, but defensive coordinator Tom Allen has worked wonders in his first year with the program and their schedule gets a lot more manageable moving forward. Next up is a road trip to the mystical realm of Evanston, Ill., for a matchup with fellow 3-3 team Northwestern.
T5. Iowa Hawkeyes, 7 points
Here are the Hawkeyes sitting at 5-2 overall and 3-1 in Big Ten play. It is important to note, however, that their three conference wins have come against Rutgers, Minnesota and Purdue. Iowa will get some stiffer tests in the upcoming weeks with games against Wisconsin, Penn State, Michigan and Nebraska in four of its last five contests. There’s technically a chance the Hawkeyes could make a run at a second straight Big Ten West title despite this rough stretch, but it seems much more likely that a Kirk Ferentz-approved 6-6 or 7-5 record is on its way.
T5. Northwestern Wildcats, 7 points
Northwestern spent last Saturday dropping 54 points on the Michigan State defense, the most points the Spartans have ever surrendered at home. And this from the same offense that scored only 65 points through their first four games. Don’t try to figure it out. It won’t make sense no matter how long you think about it.
8. Penn State Nittany Lions, 6 points
Penn State also spent the last week on a bye. The Nittany Lions sit at 4-2 and will now welcome in Ohio State for a prime-time matchup. Good luck with that, guys.
9. Minnesota Golden Gophers, 3 points
Minnesota currently fields a football that is a member of the Big Ten Conference. Said football team is now 4-2 after a 31-10 beatdown of Maryland despite missing starting quarterback Mitch Leidner due to a concussion. The Minnesota football team also now faces a favorable stretch over the next three weeks where they will face Rutgers, Illinois and Purdue, which should allow them to ensure a bowl berth for the fifth straight year. Good for you, Gophers. Good for you.
