Wisconsin
Show up on time
This game should be a walkover for the Badgers, but only if they get onto the field before kickoff. If they can’t find a way to get through the tunnel before game time, the referees will be forced to declare a forfeit for UW and Illinois will walk away with a win.
It’s pretty simple: The Badgers are far, far superior to the Fighting Illini, and they won’t have any trouble taking control in this one. Head coach Paul Chryst will likely continue his dual-quarterback experiment, which has thus far resulted in 171 yards per game, three touchdowns and three interceptions—combined.
The stats will be inflated against this sieve of a defense, but it’s clear that the Badgers’ offense needs plenty of work.
Field 11 players
While the Badgers might still win playing with ten players, it would certainly make it easier on the Fighting Illini. More specifically, Illinois would really benefit from the absence of a UW quarterback, whichever one it might be at any given time.
With center Michael Dieter snapping to empty space, every offensive play for the Badgers would begin with a fumble. Although it’s likely that they would still manage to lose, the Fighting Illini might sneak into the backfield on a play or two and recover a fumble, setting them up with nice field position (assuming they can find a way to ever have the Badgers on their own side of the field).
That being said, running back Dare Ogunbowale proved himself a capable passer (by UW standards) last season against the Northwestern Wildcats, taking a snap and throwing it directly into the ground in classic Wisconsin fashion.
Don’t be Michigan State
It’s been a rough season for the Spartans, who have now lost seven straight games since beating Notre Dame in week three. The most recent chapter of their cataclysmic collapse came in Champaign, as they lost to an Illinois team that lost to Purdue earlier in the season.
At the start of the season, the Fighting Illini likely saw that matchup with MSU on their schedule and thought it would take a miracle to best the Spartans. Two months later, though, and it seems like more of a Jeb Bush “please clap” moment than a statement win. Michigan State has firmly stated its case as one of the worst teams in the Big Ten. No perennial powerhouse loses to a team that was beat by Purdue and gets away with it.
If the Badgers can step onto the field at Camp Randall and play even one full quarter of good football, that should be enough to put Illinois away. It would be astonishing if UW blew this one.
Illinois
Hire NFL players
With the horrifying prospect of playing UW at Camp Randall looming this weekend, the Fighting Illini might turn to the past to find better players. They could try to exhume the body of NFL legend and Illinois alum Ray Nitschke, who could team up with fellow linebacker Dick Butkus to give the Fighting Illini their only two serviceable defenders.
Along those same lines, the Illinois coaching staff could seek the services of former running back Pierre Thomas, who never started more than nine games in an NFL season but would still be the best player on the Illinois roster.
After that, for obvious reasons, the list of great Illinois football alumni grows very thin, so the staff would need to turn to players unhappy with their current NFL situation. Tony Romo might be available.
If the Fighting Illini can find 22 NFL-caliber players to throw out onto the field Saturday, they will have a fighting chance against the Badgers. If they can’t find enough to complete their team on both ends of the field, however, those few current players could be enough to tip the scale back in favor of UW.
Field 12 players
Again, while the Illini would love it if the Badgers only fielded a team of ten, they would probably need an extra man on the field to have even an inkling of a chance. That would allow them to send an extra rusher into the backfield to try to recover Dieter’s snaps to no one.
Combine this with their roster newly-stacked with NFL talent and head coach Lovie Smith might not find his team trailing by 30 after the first quarter. Of course, even if the Illini can muster a lead at any point in the game, they have proven over the years that they are masters of losing.
They could also put a player 50 yards back from the line of scrimmage and just assume that the rest of the defense will let the Badgers walk through gaping holes in the defensive line and find huge open spaces in the secondary.
Eleven guys just won’t cut it for an Illinois team that is currently in a dogfight with Rutgers for the worst team in the Big Ten. The Scarlet Knights have had a stranglehold on that title since joining the conference, but the Fighting Illini are making a late-season push.
Find a healing potion
Wes Lunt, the Fighting Illini’s senior quarterback, is actually an above-average quarterback and would start on several other Big Ten teams. Unfortunately, he’s spent that last month sidelined with a back injury. Smith needs to find a magic potion to get best player back on the field for the Illini to have a prayer Saturday afternoon. He was averaging just 168 yard per game thus far, but threw six touchdowns to just a single interception and completed 60.5 percent of his passes.
Smith wouldn’t give him full control of the offense at the start of the year, limiting him to just 25.8 pass attempts per game, a significant decline from the 40.1 he averaged last year. Lunt has all the tools to exploit the Badgers’ relatively weak secondary, which has shown vulnerability against good quarterbacks, even on struggling teams.
UW was lit up by Georgia State quarterback Connor Manning, who completed 20-of-29 passes for 269 yards and a touchdown, his best performance of the year. If Smith can get Lunt on the field and decides to take the chains off his star player, Lunt might have a big day.
