I’m lucky to go here. It’s a great school, the campus is beautiful, the professors are brilliant, and I know I’ll be better off for having been here. But right now, I’m not happy. I don’t have many friends here at all, and I find myself alone a lot on weekend nights. I keep to myself, I go to class, I study, and that’s about it. It’s very lonely, and it makes me feel like I’m really missing out on the college experience--everyone is supposed to have the time of their life in college, right?
I know I should get out there and join clubs and stuff, but I just don’t. How can I get over my social fears and make friends?
You’re right: college should be fun. And plenty of college students forge lifelong friendships--studies prove it. But you’re not abnormal for having a bit of trouble making your first really good college friends: in their first year at school, nearly 70% of university students deal with loneliness.
So how can you change this narrative? Well, you’re absolutely right to mention clubs. College administration recommends them all the time, and they provide a great way to get to know people over time--a key comfort for introverts hoping to make friends. To be clear, though, nobody is suggesting you join a club just to join it. You should have an interest in the actual nature of the club, which will reduce your anxiety and will ensure that most of the people you meet there will share at least one of your interests. So if you love music, join a music club. If you love sports, grab some slowpitch softball bats and head to the intramural games. If you have a political or religious passion, there are clubs for you, too: colleges and universities across the nation invest heavily in their student clubs and social organizations, and your school is no exception.
Of course, showing up to a university event or club meeting is easier said than done--you’ve made it clear that you already know that you should be making an appearance, but just don’t feel comfortable doing so. There’s nothing wrong with being a little shy, but if you feel that your social fears are affecting your life negatively (and that seems to be how you feel), then you should consider taking advantage of another one of your university’s student-facing services: counseling services. By speaking to a counselor or therapist through your school or outside of it, you could gain some insights into your fears and some strategies for dealing with your social anxiety. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeking a little professional help for your issues if you think they’re interfering with the college experience that you want to have. Taking control of this situation may not have to mean toughening up and walking into a club meeting--it could mean having the courage to call in some support, which could then make walking into the meeting a little less tough after all.
