Anybody who knows anything about the UW-Madison campus knows that Southeast is the fun side of town, where every room smells like a mixture of vodka and sex, and that Lakeshore is the so-quiet-you-could-hear-a-pin-drop jail for nerds and weirdos. Those who have the misfortune of being banished to this faraway boring hellhole are condemned to a life of studying for midterms up to three weeks before they happen and actually reading the Go Big Read book.
If you thought being a student living in Lakeshore was bad, imagine being a House Fellow assigned to taking care of this dorm. Part of the fun of being an HF is getting to bust your residents for drugs or alcohol possession, but living in Lakeshore, you are condemned to as uneventful a life as any unlucky freshman.
In an attempt to jazz up Lakeshore life this year, one House Fellow decided to pull out all the stops (and their wallet) and perhaps alter the reputation of the northwest side of campus forever. UWPD arrived on the scene to find their room lined with liquor bottles, ranging from peppermint liqueur to EverClear.
Another HF on the floor below contacted the authorities (classic Lakeshore, am I right?) after hearing “thumping music and rambunctious voices” coming from upstairs. UWPD found the entire floor crowded in the single room, with the HF in the middle pouring shots of Captain for everyone. The students were clearly intoxicated already, and all screamed “COPS” on the entry of the police and attempted to stumble-run down the hallway.
Upon their arrest, the HF had one thing to say for their sake: “I just wanted them to do SOMETHING. I couldn’t take the silence anymore. All I could hear was my own heartbeat”.
As they were dragged out in handcuffs, the students lined up in the hall, waiting for their underage drinking tickets, raised their Solo cups and shouted “MAKE LAKESHORE LIT AGAIN!”
