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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Wednesday, December 04, 2024
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Hey Morgan! I’m from a warm-weather state and the slush is dragging down my walk to class, do you have any advice?

Welcome to Wisconsin. Stay out of my way and buy some boots.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Q: Hey Morgan! I’m a freshman and completely new to Wisconsin. I’m originally from a warmer state and was warned about Midwest winters and the snow and cold, but I was never told about slush and ice. I’m having some difficulty getting to class. Do you have any advice? 

All break I had to see my friends go home to beautiful, sunny California or Florida or whatever. I had to hear them laughing when my power went out due to the snow. I waited, though, because I knew the second we all stepped back on campus, I would land on my feet and you would all land on your backs. 

Listen — not to sound like an elitist, but as a native Wisconsinite, this is the only time I get to. 

You better start practicing how to walk through slush and puddles and ice because I have a 13-minute walk I need to do in a 15-minute break, and I will roller derby body slam you to the ground if you’re in my way. 

My advice is to invest in boots with good traction. don’t be afraid to jump over the obstacles and try to act like this is just another day. If I can sense you never spent a recess on the blacktop because you forgot your snow pants in elementary school, I will use it against you. Hope this helps! 

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Morgan McCormack

Morgan McCormack is the beet editor for The Daily Cardinal. 


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