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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Wednesday, December 04, 2024
BEET Democracy Issue

New York is for the rats

It’s time New York gets the representation it deserves.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

After famed rat enemy Mayor Eric Adams found himself indicted for bribery last month, we have to begin to wonder: what is New York City’s real problem? 

Rats have been facing some pretty bad publicity since the bubonic plague, which was actually spread by fleas, and have not really recovered since. They are seen as an issue needed to be solved, but is this hatred due to us forgetting what New York is really about? 

Isn’t New York supposed to be a symbol of opportunity, a melting pot where any hard working person can forge a new path, find a new life? Bushwick transplants, secret trust fund kids and actors whose only credits are as “Law and Order: SVU” extras — this is not who New York is. Perhaps it’s time to stop electing rat haters and put a real New Yorker in office: a rat!

Did you know rats are considered extremely intelligent and expert problem solvers? They also have a long history of employment, being on the ground floor of multiple scientific discoveries. They are adaptable, scrappy, highly social and think similarly to humans. They have the perfect qualities for political office. One may argue that they are even overqualified. 

Though their shorter life spans may cause serving the current four-year mayoral term difficult, perhaps the higher turnover can help bring new ideas to the table. 

There are around 3 million rats in New York City, and I say it is time they see some representation. The war on rats needs to come to an end. We should all embrace our furry neighbors hand in paw as we scamper towards a new future. 

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Morgan McCormack

Morgan McCormack is the beet editor for The Daily Cardinal. 


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