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Fuck it. This campus has spent enough time pretending to know what the Associated Students of Madison is or what it does. Naturally, my only logical conclusion is to run for president of ASM.
While Trump has Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy to run their new Department of Government Efficiency, I, Peter Pricket, am going to what the University of Wisconsin-Madison needs the most: become an Elon Musk figure and cut this place to the bone. My flop ass friend Libby Demi can be Vivek.
I promise to slash excess regulations and cut wasteful expenditures, including University Health Services, by 50%.
Here’s why:
UHS doesn’t do shit. Who needs vaccines, testing for anything, therapy or whatever else when you can rely on more natural medicines like raw milk, Ozempic, yoga and essential oils.
The Europeans pay less for health care than we do in America, and even then, students pay more for UHS than their average health care in-state, so let’s maybe just slash the whole thing and see what happpens.
Truthfully, we need to build up immune systems anyway. If you need Emergen-C or cough medicine, you need to work for it. Survival of the fittest is the basis of life and a long forgotten practice I will revive. And you know what’s better than therapy? A subscription to betterhelp.com or ChatGPT.
And, as someone who likes my rose quartz and jade, if you hold it close to you and breathe deeply, it’s basically like taking an SSRI.
If you disagree with me on any of this, I am choosing a more efficient route of communication than in-person meetings. Please contact me on my X Space and we can schedule a time.
Vote Peter Pricket for ASM.
