All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.
Hello all. Welcome back to a terrible fucking semester because the University of Wisconsin-Madison will not cancel classes no matter how cold it gets. For this reason, I’m feeling uninspired and fucked up. All I can squeeze out of my mind for this print edition are some little haikus that capture my current essence, issues and thoughts about this week.
I hope you like them.
First day of class:
Syllabus awaits.
Jack Frost bites my dick off ouch!
Jennifer said, Go!
Help me:
I ordered shears quick.
Must collect wool from sheep.
Chakra is real cold.
Sexwise module:
Opened sex course
Must complete sexwise for schooling
Saw porn, that was weird ):
Up up Bascom:
Someone pantsed me on hill
It was Bucky, that freaky
Wisconsin stays wild.
Free speech semester:
Went to a protest
Got arrested, bad first day
No marketplace meep
Fuck this:
Mnookin sent mail
Look at this, ignores the cold
Fuck you, I’m freezing
I HATE TRUMP
I voted lots times
I regret, I hate you, Trump
Ruining our life):
Don’t bang my line:
Today sucks Jenny
I am from the South… maybe
Too fucking cold meep
Where that quay at:
I miss quaaludes murp
Why did the FDA ban?
Not bad, run it back
Vilas:
I walked to Vilas
I hate brutalist building
I hate asbestos
I hate:
I can’t go a week
I need to hate all the time
Currently hate Jen.
Badger Herald:
Herald should stop news
Become The Daily Cardinal
We can all be friends
On Wisconsin!
My friend is detained
She is at Board of Regents
Free her on Wiscon!
