‘Tis the season of love. Chocolate-lined shelves and heart-shaped everything certainly won’t let anyone forget it. Now more than ever, it’s easy to feel left behind if you’re not in a romantic relationship or actively dating. However, it’s important to remember that there is more to life (and love) than just romance.
One of the easiest ways to decenter relationships in your life is to find other outlets for connection. One of the perks of being on a college campus like the University of Wisconsin-Madison is the sheer number of things to do.
There are hundreds of clubs and active Greek life chapters on campus, intramural sports teams, weightlifters and workout instructors who fill the gyms at the Nicholas and Bakke Recreation centers, and seasonal events like the Winter Carnival are a year-round occurrence.
Self-confidence can also be key to making this shift. Your need for romantic affirmation will likely decrease if you can provide positive feedback for yourself. Plus, in the long run, no amount of outside validation is ever going to be enough if you’re not comfortable with yourself. All of your relationships, romantic or otherwise, are improved when you’re not relying on the external approval they provide.
Of course, building self-confidence is easier said than done, but it's a key part of success and totally worth the effort.
Finding a hobby can help with this. Confidence builds when you’re setting goals and accomplishing them, which only happens when you engage more with the world. Fill your life with your own joys and accomplishments, and you will begin to appreciate your own company more.
Another step to improving self confidence can be to limit comparison. As obvious as it is, it’s easy to forget that social media is fake. Snapchat and Instagram aren’t telling anyone’s whole life story, and constant comparison only exacerbates feelings of FOMO (fear of missing out) and loneliness. Putting an end to mindless scrolling will make it easier to focus on what you do have and not what you don’t.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, don’t forget about the other love in your life. Your friends and family often provide the most essential support. Go out with them, make art with them, make plans with them or talk to them. Expressing genuine affection and curiosity to everyone in your life can deepen these relationships, which are often more fulfilling than any romantic pursuits.
If the friends in your life aren’t people you want to invest in, this might be a good time to stop and ask why. Do you need a boyfriend or just someone to talk to? Make new friends! Sit next to someone new in class, rush or join a new club! Whatever it is, your people are out there. Prioritize them.
Now more than ever, it’s easy to feel like resolving your romantic woes ought to be your biggest priority. No one is alone in feeling that way. But restructuring our mindsets away from romance is vital to having more fun, becoming happier, and hopefully, discovering more about yourself.
